Existential Bewbs

This last year has made me sad to learn, about mine and others' pasts and actions, just to what extent women have learned (despite feminism - actually, mistaking feminism) to hate their womanhood and that of others.
Firstly - feminism isn't women acting like men; it's the assertion that women are strong, capable, beautiful, and have self-sovereign personhood. Secondly - social prescriptions on women's behavior is a result of a society's man-culture accepting that men pose a threat to women (i.e. women must be protected from OTHER men) - not all cultures have this.
With that in mind, consider that post-roman culture in the West has considered women's internal workings as inconvenient and unintelligible. Some men still deal with a lack of understanding of the ramifications of their own feelings and actions as being the fault or 'irrationality' of women.

A broad generalization of girls and women in the last 20 years (though not limited to) involves:
1. Girls being told they are invalid by actions purpetrated by their parent - parent-child role reversal/negation, abuse, neglect... etc., even subtle passing on of self-hate. This tells girls that their womanhood is something ugly, something to be ashamed of or admonished either through direct association or conditioning resulting from how the parent is viewed (conclusion explained in psychological literature).
2. Women being told they are invalid by men - labeling them or disregarding them because of a lack of understanding and because the woman's feelings and actions are inconvenient. This sounds pretty obvious and brutal, but it's subtle, and wide-spread.
3. Women who were those invalidated girls usually accept the role (even when thinking they're fighting it), and even sometimes go out of their way to accomodate the convenience of a man - they have accepted being a non-person. they may even embrace it and call it empowerment because they 'control' themselves by invalidating their legitimate feelings, and the things that make them beautiful as women.
4. This has also led girls and women to despise each other. Girls learned from mom that women are repellant or shameful or can't be trusted- so other girls should be repelled or shamed and not trusted. Women learned from men that femininity is crazy - so they treat other women's needs, feelings, and actions as crazy.
5. Women usually come to an age where they realize that something not quite rigjt is going on - and they learn to assert themselves even to the point of no remorse.

So, let's stop doing it. Let's find ways now to stop letting a lack of understanding what makes us amazing, beautiful, strong, feminine women keep us chained to so much anger and hate - of ourselves, and our fellow women. Let's not wait til we wake-up one day and realize something is very very wrong in what we were taught. We can't undo the past, but we make the present and future.
This to men, too - because you are happier with women who are happy - invaliating does not make ugliness go away, it festers to resentment. Women are amazing persons, and are worth the effort to validate.

BIRD DAY!!! 2013

Hosting a potluck Château Relâxeau style for Turkey Day:
Will add pictures while all the prep and cooking is being done.
In the meantime, here's the proposed list from the house, and then guests will bring their own delectables.

Grocery List:
1 Turkey
2 lbs sliced bacon (uncured/nitrate free)
salt/seasonings: coriander, cumin, garlic powder, onion powder

1 baking pumpkin
fresh thyme
salt
½ onion minced
2 cloves garlic, minced
4 oz goat cheese
1½ cup plain yogurt/canned coconut milk
2-3 cups all-purpose or gluten-free flour
4 large eggs


TURKEY will be prepared by first injecting the flesh with brine.
Brine will consist of 3 cups chicken or turkey broth brought to a boil,
adding 1 Tbsp of each of the following:
salt
ground coriander
ground cumin
garlic powder
onion powder
then let cool to room temp
use injector syringe to inject turkey meat with the cooled brine, and let sit.
Prepare 2lbs of bacon strips and remove the organs from the turkey. With a serrated knife, make 1" wide slices an inch apart, all in a row:   |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |    for several rows all across the back,breast, and thighs of the turkey, careful to not cut the meat. Weave slices of bacon with the skin.
Using a large tin can filled with fluid, stand the turkey up, and carefully mount onto the can (assuming it will fit into your oven in this manner - this will allow every side to brown and crisp. An alternate method is to just use the rack itself, with pan or cookie sheet to catch all the delicious drippings with which to baste the beautiful bird. And of course Bake per lb instructions - convection preferred.


PUMPKIN PIE will be a savory pumpkin/goat cheese quiche:
Cut baking pumpkin in half, remove the innards, separate the seeds (we'll use them to garnish), rub oil over the skin of the pumpkin and bake @ 350°F ~20 min until fork soft. Place seeds on a tray dry and toast ~10 min. Set aside.
The crust will be a simple dough recipe: 1 cup of yogurt or canned coconut milk, add enough flour of whichever assortment you desire (all-purpose / gluten-free) ~2-3 cups so the dough just stops being sticky when kneading. Knead well, then ball and cover with 2 tsp oil, and let rest for 15 min. Warm a pie dish while rolling the dough out into a circle large enough to cover the base and sides of the pie dish - if you'd like it really thin, use as little as ½ of the dough. Flatten dough against pie pan surfaces and scallop the edges as you like - bake in oven until just crispy ~10 @ 400­°F
While the crust is toasting, take the baked pumpkin and remove the flesh. Place in a large bowl, cool until it is touchable, then combine with 4oz of goat cheese and season with 2 tsp salt, the leaves from several sprigs of fresh thyme, 2 cloves of minced garlic and onion.
In a separate bowl or food processor whip together 4 eggs and ½ cup yogurt/canned coconut milk until creamy in color and foamy. Gently fold egg mixture into seasoned pumpkin, and gently pour into prepared pie crust.
Cover crust with foil and bake until set @ 350°F (passes fork test) - I haven't made this yet, so, not sure just how long it might take, but may be ~20-30 min.

Real Food; It's What A Body Craves

I've transitioned back and forth from all/mostly raw, juicing, supplemental juicing, little-to-no grains, eating a modicum of this and that, to going back to eating mostly cooked food - still good quality, but not raw and sometimes not even veggies.
I have noticed a number of different things:

• mood, energy, tolerance, endurance, hydration, sleep, digestion  - all improved while eating raw veggies/fruits at least 50% of my consumption
• when starting on raw, after seeming constipation, my body flushed itself, then became regular (like it decided everything it'd eaten prior wasn't useful)
• when stopping raw, feel heavy, no energy, unfocused, dehydrated-like
• when not eating raw food, I almost always feel like I have to eat again and again, not because I'm hungry, but because my mind seems to think it'll make me feel better (like what I've eaten can't be used)

Other items I've noticed from ingesting coffee and black tea even just once:

• headaches
• can't seem to sleep enough
• ruins my cardio - whatever training level I've accomplished, it's like I'm back at day 1
• really moody - to the point of almost looking for reasons to be moody, or taking something out of proportion
• similar to alcohol withdrawal, or sugar, or any kind of substance withdrawal

Usually I prepare myself to disregard my own behavior ahead of time, but sometimes I forget, and I wake up the next day reactive, and I think it's a valid reaction, even though I can't always make logical sense of it - until I remember: oh yeah! had that shit yesterday... carry on.

Now there are substances that are very beneficial: properties of green tea help coping, improve metabolism, and is overall a good way to ween off of drinking black teas and coffee, or your caffeine of choice.
The only way to know is to try: do 3-10 days of testing, like previously mentioned... you can take something bad for you once and it may take 3 days to get it out of you, but you have to take good things at least 3 days in a row to begin to feel the difference... if not longer depending on what other factors are in play.

The Unexpected

When understanding is reached, even one word is too much... and yet, here I sit, seeking to correlate these recent experiences and be aware of this culmination.

Surprise! is the theme for this spring... a veritable smorgasbord of the unexpected and the delightfully unforeseen... I have waited years for this.

In trying to explain and give background to my life in conversational context, I've been lately stumbling over epiphanies that have stunned me about myself. It's been altogether humbling, disappointing, and surprising. It's amazing how just verbalizing phrases or ideas I've known for so long is what finally draws out logical conclusions... forcing the mind, perhaps, to finally admit what it refused to conclude so long as these notions were left to its own dark environs... so much for Crowley's theory of lies... for once, it doesn't apply.

Over the last couple of years I've had the opportunity to reacquaint myself with family and friends, people I had impressions of at one time totally blew those out of the water, and I'm glad. I'm glad to see I'm either wrong in making assumptions/assessments/what I was told, or that the dynamic in peoples' lives allows them to keep growing... My worst fear for anyone is permanent stagnancy and its utter acceptance.

Not only that, but I've been astounded at how people think of me... that they think of me. The selfishness that comes from thinking you are all you have to trust and rely on results eventually in the assumption that you do not have a place amongst the considerations made by others.

I sat today and realized the force of my silence and sole expectation in another's ability to self-govern have far greater weight over the ones I care about than any attempt to exert force over someone's actions or make demands... even to the point of them being petrified of the mere anticipation of my anger or shame at my disapproval. One day I will be able to explain this in terms of 'The Lonely Crowd'... which would be fascinating.

A single subtle gesture from me apparently has a marked effect to change the way someone is interacting with me. I've practiced this with strangers... wasn't until today that I noticed its dramatic affect on my friends. I'm kind of relishing it - as a potential display of mutual respect and ability to ease a situation, if not allow volumes to be spoken without saying a word.

Pantry Projects: weekend chillax'n

Thin-crust pizza

1 tortilla
2-3 Tbsp spaghetti sauce
whatever olives you have in your pantry
whatever unsalted, raw nuts...
handfull diced onion
2 cloves diced garlic
goat / feta / mozzarella cheese

construct like a pizza
bake @ 350°F until outer crust is lightly toasted  ~12 min

Sangria punch

1 cup sliced strawberries

1 sliced orange

½ peeled, sliced cucumber

(or whatever fruits you have left at the end of the week)

water

ice

french berry soda or fruit juice

throw fruit into pitcher, add equal parts of water, ice and french berry soda, then chill for an hour and enjoy

Pantry Projects: über mac'n'cheese

 I was supposed to teach my friends how to cook... so, after a year, i'm putting it all out there, so we can finally get started


Part of this also comes from showing my friends that making it yourself is actually cheaper than constantly buying packaged goods


This I dragged outta my pantry and fridge: buncha pasta left over, left-over dry salami, my favorite cheddar (which is the only thing I didn't have on hand), and for this I use coconut milk (if you've ready previous postings). You can use whatever milk you usually use, but if it's a milk alternative, make sure it's plain and unsweetened.. I prefer coconut milk cuz its oils makes it very similar to regular milk

 First, boil pasta per label instructions

strain and put in casserole dish

I'm using bacon grease in my béchamel, cuz i rarely bother to buy butter anymore

use 2 Tbsp butter and ~1/3 cup flour

With heat on med heat, blend

this is called roux

~1 cup milk of your choice

dice up ~3/4 - 1 lb of sharp cheddar - I use proper cheddar that crumbles... modern cheddar has been designed to melt better, or you can use velveeta, but it's comparatively more expensive anymore... it's better to do this before you need it, cuz once the milk heats up in the pan, it thickens pretty quickly

Add the milk to the roux
whisk the roux with the milk

WATCH OUT! even on medium heat, if you're using regular milk, it will start to bubble really fast when it gets hot!! be ready to turn the heat down when it starts foaming... and if it starts rising too quickly, just pick the pan up gently to immediately remove it from heat

stir frequently until it thickens to the likeness of gravy

and you've got béchamel

toss in your cheddar and stir - 

now, if you're using crumbly cheddar, put the heat on really low - if it heats up too much or too fast, it will separate... 

modern melty cheddar, low simmer heat is fine - BOTH : stir frequently until it's melted and smooth

 I've used anything from ground lamb to diced ham,

chopped deli ham slices, hotdogs, sausage, bacon.... 

doesn't matter, it's pig and it's going in... 

HERE's where you'd add some salt and pepper, 

maybe a seasoning blend... i'm not for once 

because of the sharpness and saltiness of my 

cheddar and the seasoning the salami already has

mix gently... pour 1/2 over noodles and fold... 

then the other 1/2 and fold again 

this just keeps it from dripping all over

tomatoes normally go on top, but so far, this meal for 6 cost me ~ $5 for just for the cheese, the rest was already sitting around

Ventilation

Today is not a day of cohesive thought; it's a day of bombardment of all that ugliness that's been silent for so long, is right now being kicked up and thrown around. I refuse to play at this point; I don't want to think of humans, look at humans, be around humans: the destruction and intolerance, the irrelevant opinions swathed in vehemence, the hypocrisy and illogical projection of hypocrisy, the non-answers and the violence in response to violence.

If everyone wants personal liberty, then why are they subjecting others' decisions to public deliberation, and chastising those who seek prevention over retaliation. They don't want to be scrutinized for their actions, but throw unwarranted scrutiny at others' actions. Whether it be by privacy or non-judgmentality, the ultimate goal of freedom is not being subject to the expectations of others, and not forcing one's own expectations on everyone else - save for integrity. I expect integrity, because I know how easy it is to practice.

I am sad... just sad, and disappointed