French Toast and Existentialism

A Starting Point

2011-04-21T23:12:00.001-07:00

I have not indulged in writing in so long... I've tried to use it to cope, but it became the method of expelling... expelling to destroy. I am unsure if it's a result of gaining substance and solid ground under me or the jazz on the radio - making me long for those endless hours at a coffee shop : alternately reading and writing, enveloped and saturated with the smells of coffee, pastries, and yes, sunlight filtered through panes of glass, with its playful dynamic, dancing with the cool dark and its rich upholstery.

I'd often thought in times of great turmoil and great joys, that I'd like for someone to know of my life. It's no exceptional life, but it's my life; something I rarely speak about, even to those who know me best. I've been reading a number of memoirs: novels or short stories about amazing or moving events - the things that made deep impressions; how they were neither good nor bad situations in the end, but both; they were something that disrupted monotony - a little turbulence to recolor the atmosphere; a mess to force one to repaint their inner walls which helped to then reconcile the inner world with the outer universe.

I cannot say when my life began. I like to avoid definitions; so defining everything that could be meant by "life", i won't exclude. I can say that my living has included a series of several deaths: undoings, little oblivions, difficult transitions... you get the idea. My existence, personally, is quite vexing. In association to Judeo-Christian norms: one may say that I have an old soul. But, were that it were entirely of human experience, I'm convinced I would've been much more proficient in understanding "being human." My earliest ability to reconcile my physical existence was the conjecture that I was something - not an "angel", but something watching, watching these humans and getting rather perturbed at how they muck up such simple things to create vast, deadly, emotional dramas that never cease, and for what? Here comes, peeking over my shoulder, the ruling element of the universe (God, et al), and says, "so, you think you could do better?" Oh, it's on, God. I'm comfortably certain that I am quite the amusement for It - I imagine several smirks and head-shaking being done at my expense.

I am a living oxymoron, occupying both poles in almost every degree simultaneously. It becomes an art form to develop any semblance of consistency in opinions, sentiments, actions - luckily I realized early to drop several gender-based pretenses in order to comply with what I knew to be more relevant. I am 8 years old, and I am 80: too young for shame, and too old to care; too young to be bitter and conditioned, but too old to hang on to bitterness and care about appropriateness; young enough to have superhero hopes and dreams, always seeing the world in new and beautiful lights, but old enough to see a world of life behind me and the futility of it all.

I'm a man, and so can you

2011-04-01T19:30:00.000-07:00

JOHN STONE!!!!!: oh wow.
I don't believe this store.
Jer: oh.. today.. i'll beleive it
JOHN STONE!!!!!: I sent out for a handset because they TOLD me that they swapped with another and it worked fine. Now they are claiming that they put on the new handset and it's not working.
Jer: they LIE!!!
close out your ticket
then open another one saying it's a different problem
JOHN STONE!!!!!: Oh goody! I like that idea. lol
Jer: may as well make it work for your benefit
JOHN STONE!!!!!: I wish they would learn how to put us on hold.
Jer: dropping the phone to the floor isn't hold?

JOHN STONE!!!!!: This lady is trying to tell me there is no computer tower in the office. lol
Jer: nice
tell her 'ok you will remain down'
JOHN STONE!!!!!: ha ha.
Jer: or you can find me a teenager
do you have any children in the store? yes, take the child into the office and tell them to find the computer
tower

Jer: bastards are complaining that nexgen is letting them fill a script
McGlame!!!: lol... not a common complaint
Jer: i know!! usually it's 'OMG!!! Nexgen won't let me commit fraud!!!!!'
JAW!!!: ?!
Jer: so....
Jer belches
JAW!!!: nice
you are such a man
=-o
Jer: hehe
someone has to be

blood makes scsi work

2011-03-27T21:12:00.000-07:00

Jer: alright, i'm bored... start tap-dancing
JAW!!!: Ok
JAW!!!: I hope this is entertaining, i'm getting funny looks
Jer: hehe

Jer: i used to, not that i ever used it
JOHN STONE!!!!!: ah.
Jer: no one knew why they gave it to me
JOHN STONE!!!!!: I was just curious. I'm supposed to be getting one again...not sure when. After they already took it away once. Makes no sense.
Jer: it makes SENTS!!!

JAW!!!: vince smells like flowers
Jer: oh dear

JOHN STONE!!!!!: wow. This lady cut her finger trying to reseat the drive.
Jer: ow...
Jer: do you think the blood will appease the sasi gods?
JOHN STONE!!!!!: I hope.

Problems... at 'Work'

2011-03-25T22:58:00.000-07:00

Munz: that would solve a lot of problems
Jer: what did i do?
Munz: john: we gotta get the pharmacy out of nexgen
Jer: hhahahha
i wasn't even paying attention
but, yes....
we should make them hand scribe for a week...
then they'll stop bitching
for a month
Munz: here's your new computer
this is an abacus and a box of crayons?
yeah, try not to fuck it up

McGlame!!!: why are kim and c-mart discussing arsenic and heavy metals?
Jer: hehheheheh...
McGlame!!!: should I be concerned about my food and drink? lol
Jer: they have plans for the RA plumbing
over by the water cooler
McGlame!!!: lol
i was reading about why helium makes your voice higher, and they mentioned that gases heavier than air would make your voice lower--but cautioned readers not to try it because such gases are poisonous... lol
Jer: hahahhaaha
to say the least
McGlame!!!: so don't inhale krypton to find out!

Chuck: 4 calls over 3 minutes
Jer: oh, is that what that blinking light is?
Chuck: yeah yeah

Jer: or do you think they'll be like >:(
McGlame!!!: you were tardy as well?
Jer: yeah....
morale is lacking
looks like we females beat you guys out
McGlame!!!: how's that?
Jer: Jen, Kim, Steph and I took top 3 for last week
McGlame!!!: ahhh
Jer: Steph and I tied
McGlame!!!: back to the old pattern?
Jer: you boys better step up
slackas
McGlame!!!: who slackaz?
Jer: psht!!!
male types
McGlame!!!: lol
Jer: i heard that!

never doubt the power of KEFIR!!

2011-03-18T22:58:00.000-07:00

Jer: i'm converting row 3 to kefir
Limey: :D
I got john barr on it today
I figured it would help him, he's managed to lose 35lb already
why am I so hyper
Jer: it's a restless day
there are more cars out on the road than ive seen in a long time... i had to cross at xwalks just to get across streets today
Limey: True, I've not been able to sit still... I keep standing just to stop myself fidgiting.
yup, it's warm more people willing to venture out
Jer: steph and bob are comparing kefir flavors and avaialbility

Jer: row 3 is converting to kefir... better jump on the bandwagon
McGlame!!!: if they only sell it at giant, I won't be joining...
i have beef with giant
Jer: they sell it at wegman's too
i haven't looked at weis,,, cuz weis puts velveeta in the fridge section....
McGlame!!!: eh... i never get to wegmans...
weis is my official grocer
Jer: i'm soo sorry

Jer: looks like there will be dells to reboot tonight
McGlame!!!: ah, those dells are just mindin' their own business
Jer: not working!!!!
AUTO NO WORK!!!!
McGlame!!!: lol

jaw: no, cuz it doesn't
Jer: shhhh...!!!!
Jer: they don't have to know it's not extra
Jer: IT:S NOT WORKING!!!
Jer: there's a storming the castle princess bride board game...
jaw: storming the princess' "Castle"?
Jer: wow... have you really never seen princess bride

JOHN STONE!!!!!: Another thing that doesn't make sense, that new RS issue for the sigcaps, how in the world are we supposed to know if it is related to the time issue?
Jer: touch your nose
JOHN STONE!!!!!: ha ha.
Jer: that's our fix-all now...
just have the store personnel touch their nose
JOHN STONE!!!!!: omg. One minute this girl calls me 'she', and then later 'he'.
lol
Jer: umm... take no offense... just hold your head high... you're a virgo
JOHN STONE!!!!!: ha ha ha.

Jer: you just wish you could be irish
Limey: haha nah
Limey: I love the Irish, and the Scotts, but I'm happy being English
Jer: well, you're not a very good englishman
Limey: correction, I'm not meant to like them wanting independence.. liking them is a different matter
Jer: liking them under your boot
Limey: ;p

McGlame!!!: have you noticed this phenomenon where one can agree with bob baker, and something akin to an argument still ensues?
like just now, jont and bob were saying the exact same thing; that wolves can control wild boar, yet it was like they were arguing about it
who in row 3 is haaaatin' life?
Jer: phenomenon
that's what we call a discussion

McGlame!!!: well, it seems to be a bit more heated than a regular discussion
Jer: it's the hate of stupid.... they're fighting the invisible ass-hats that make dumb decisions
McGlame!!!: lol

Sparse... but emphatic

2011-03-16T19:59:00.000-07:00

McGlame!!!: so is japan going to take the dirtnap?
Jer: no more robots
McGlame!!!: lol
Jer: god hates robots.. so he's punishing the japs
McGlame!!!: wow
Jer: just watch, WBC is gonna go demonstrate at their funerals

ew: plum island animal disease center
Jer: is that where they take the PA mullets when they get too ... mulletty

I like NACHOS!

2011-03-14T20:18:00.000-07:00

Jer: that store ever come back up last night?
jaw: which one?
Jer: um... granny and her inability to distinguish between green cords and non-existent cords
that she unplugged anyway
jaw: There's nothing I can do about colorblind people o.O
Do they teach you the OSI model at all in any training scenarios over there?
Jer: osi....
what does osi mean?
jaw: yeah the 7 layers of the OSI model
Jer: 7 layers....
of NACHOS!!!!
wait... how is green vs non-existent colorblindness...?

McGlame!!!: ooh, i got it!
Jer: wait... i thought you were jaw
McGlame!!!: ahhh!
Jer: my brain goes
McGlame!!!: there's why everything is so confusing!
Jer: where?!?!
McGlame!!!: yes
Jer: gah!!!

Needs real meat and less rain

2011-03-10T20:57:00.000-08:00

jaw: qualifies as a photo bomb
Jer: yeah.... should be good on lol
i want cheeseburger... it feels like friday
what has jer learned this week : soy/vegi burgers pale in comparison to portabello burgers... which apparently are worth the extra 30¢ per patty
jaw: I like burgers made out of cows.
Jer: yes!
but you can't leave them sitting around unreffrigerated
for hours
and don't taste quite so good with goatcheese...

Jer is soaked
Limey: no good
Jer: i'm starting to feel the misery
shoot me now
atlas modified
McGlame!!!: nah... against the atlas... AND the code of ethics...
Jer: you've got something against euthenasia?
McGlame!!!: no, just doing it on the clock
Jer: you got something that can dry off my clothes?
McGlame!!!: not really...
Jer stole vikki's heater... is getting much drier now
Jer then spills water all over her desk
Jer: i hate my life
Limey: hehe
aww
Jer: it's a good thing i saved my choco pastry
i'mma need it

McGlame!!!: "3nd trip Tech will return to trouble shoot the music on hold. "
3nd?
Jer: yup... that's the caliber we're dealing with

shoulda eaten punx

2011-03-09T20:22:00.000-08:00

McGlame!!!: did you see there was HATE on Sunday night/early Monday morning?!?

Jer: umm.. no... i heard they were down to like 0

McGlame!!!: no, weatherhate

Jer: yeah, i was in it

McGlame!!!: i thought we were past that...

Jer: trying to put gas in my rental car before i returned it
yeah....
well
we shoulda eaten punx

McGlame!!!: lol

Jer: this is our punishment

McGlame!!!: are you going to go out and grab him and eat him now?
can you imagine if somewhere had a groundhog day like that?
he predicts 6 more weeks and he gets eaten... to be replaced by another groundhog the next year...
he predicts early spring and is wrong, and he gets eaten...

Jer: this is how it should be

Limey: I agree...

CMart: Eventually, Groundhogs will evolve so that they always project a shadow, even if there is no source of light - reverse vampirism

Jer: what do you have to say for yourself now?

ew: im a self righteous womanizing prick?

Jer: you wish

ew: haha
womanizing prick, ill give myself
but not self righteous

Jer: you wish

ew: so im not?

Jer: i couldn't really call utilizing the benefits of chicks with low self esteem being 'womanizing'

Gorilla Glue Cense!

2011-03-07T22:50:00.000-08:00

Jer: hmmmm.....
Limey: wow
Jer: yeah...
the gorilla glue is peeling off my fingers
Limey: Gorilla glue?
why is it on your hands to begin with lol
Jer: um....
Limey: lol what on earth where you up to

McGlame!!!: there should be alehouse for vinh
i hear vinh
Jer: no good can come of this
McGlame!!!: lol
Jer: shouldn't we just go to alehouse and not invite vinh?
we;ll celebrate his departure
McGlame!!!: well, vinh is the reason for the celebration
Jer: indeed
his absense
can be celebrated with his absense
McGlame!!!: lol

McGlame!!!: weimer told this system recovery store to log back in before i installed the software...
Jer: oh god
McGlame!!!: fortunately, nothing seems messed up...
Jer: how would it even be possible
if it's not installed
:/
McGlame!!!: i guess the store was so totally unable to do anything, that they couldn't hurt anything...
Jer: yeah... like open a program that's not installed...
McGlame!!!: when bob told me that, as you might imagine, i was full of agita

Jer: it's by the great DISMAL swamp
how awesome is that....
Limey: try again
nice
Jer: FTS is having RXP put cotton behind the cells because gripper is not engaging the cells correctly
OMFG
Limey: lol
Jer: um... maybe he should friggin remap the gripper
Limey: yup
It's not like the known issue with cells that takes tape to fix
Jer: gah!!!
RXP came in one day and the whole bottom of the cabinet was full of pills from it dropping them
but, apparently stuffing cotton in places solves all problems
Limey: Makes no sense
Jer: it makes Cense!!!

this month's mantra

2011-02-03T19:28:00.000-08:00

courtesy of the wonderful Krystal Lord Squishums:

"detach from the outcome
gain the moment
the moment is infinite
so
let go and live forever"

this is the perfect shot : forget it all and do without doing, because the end is just a justification for the means, but the act of doing is the real purpose, the life and the meaning of any end : an end can't go on, but the making is dynamical: the making alone can change, can better, can move and fly freely because it has no constraints - a specific outcome is nothing but a constraint, a limit on what the making can become, of what can be done - a vial timidity in the vastness of possibility - a sin against the self - a denial of the oneness of the universe...

so, let it all go : expectations, outcomes, ends
do without doing, and look around each moment in the doing: see and learn and admire the beauty of it, and the completion of tasks will come to you, when there are other things to be done, and more beauty to be enjoyed.

punx-a-yummy

2011-02-01T22:04:00.000-08:00

McGlame!!!: who in row 3 is haaatin' life?

Jer kills herself

McGlame!!!: nah, we need you to live!

Jer: i'm not alive as it is... this is just some kind of hateful, torturous half-life

McGlame!!!: so what is the GROUNDHOG going to say tomorrow morning?

Jer looks at weather.com....
Jer squints, and plans on eating groundhog for dinner tomorrow night

McGlame!!!: lol
really, any groundhogs within 200 miles of here have no right to see their shadow tomorrow... its going to be miserable and overcast

Jer: we will satisfy ourselves by eating them all

McGlame!!!: if punxsutawney phil sees his shadow, its only because of the tv lights

Jer: i tried really hard to not yell at someone on the phone

McGlame!!!: lol

Jer: it barely worked
i really just want to walk out of here

McGlame!!!: nah... stay

Jer: it's just cold

McGlame!!!: breathe in

Jer: and .... wait... i have cheese at home

McGlame!!!: and breathe out

Jer: breathing will do nothing

McGlame!!!: in with the good
out with the bad

Jer: yeah, and what building are we in?
every breath is poison

McGlame!!!: well, temporarily suspend your disbelief...
and believe that there is something other than hate in the air

Jer looks around for someone to walk on her back

McGlame!!!: hmmm... I'm too heavy
weimer maybe
or seanny g

Jer: vinh's the closest thing to a tiny asian massage chick

McGlame!!!: lol

Jer: but not nearly as cute
or trustworthy

McGlame!!!: lol

Jer: he'd prolly screw it up
and say 'um, yeah, like...' the whole time

McGlame!!!: lol

Existential Butterflies

2011-01-31T19:51:00.000-08:00

"The man remembered having a cat once, if memories could be trusted as anything more than neuron configurations across trillions of synapses. Memories could not be touched with one's fingers. Could not be felt like the surf flowering over his gnarled toes could be felt. But then what were physical feelings but more electrical messages from the brain? Why believe in them either? Was there anything trustworthy in the Universe that one could hug and hold onto like a Hawaliusian wind staunch in the midst of a butterfly storm, apart form a Hawaliusian wind staunch?

"Bloody butterflies, thought the man. Once they'd figured to the wing fluttering a continent away thing, millions of mischievous lepidoptera had banded together and turned malicious.

"Surely that cannot be real, he thought. Butterfly storms?

... "If a thing was bound never to happen, then that thing would resolutely refuse not to happen as soon as possible.

"Butterfly storms. It was only a matter of time.

... "Was there anything to trust? anything to take comfort from?
Ah, yes, thought the old man. Tea. At the center of an uncertain and possibly illusory universe there would always be tea."

2011-01-29T22:05:00.000-08:00

i'm borrowing words, borrowing thoughts, images... anything... everything
i can't make anything any more; i'm just destroying... demolishing.
those small moments when i think i'll arrange or clean up, they are feeble lies. for, though, yes, it's sanitary, tidy, neatly arranged, stacked on shelves - it's all broken, torn apart, missing, and out of place.
i have familiarity and i have things, but i don't belong anywhere. everything has been temporary : no job for more than 3 years, no man for more than he thinks he deserves me, no life, no calling - nothing more than an empty ruse of wasted potential... potential for what? to be this great thing that no one can really say
a jack of all trades, master of none save loneliness - except i've learned once again, that i can be even lonelier than i thought i was when i was lonely.
if you look at me... you are seeing a shell... whatever was inside died long ago, it kept fighting to live, but now jostles, dried up and tumbling down the abyss...
once my books are gone from here, my very soul will no longer be - no bright hopes, no plans, just one goal : June... i have to make it to June, and i have to do it on my own

loneliness becomes selfishness which in turn makes the loneliness deeper and self-imposed...

among the padded walls

2011-01-29T21:59:00.000-08:00

"'You need to be locked in a room with padded walls.'"

"To this day, that's what my mother playfully tells me when something I say or do strikes her as silly. The padded walls are a clear reference to a mental institution, which I find uproariously ironic, because although I've never seen the inside of an inpatient health facility, I've worked in more than my fair share of corporate American cubicles, most of which are comprised of three and a half walls upholstered in drab gray fabric padding"

... how congruent ...

choco bribes

2011-01-28T08:33:00.000-08:00

Jer: there's no point in taking calls if you're not gonna do anything

McGlame!!!: >:o <--floor leads

Jer: i have two bits of good news

McGlame!!!: i agree, actually

Jer: 1 is that all candy (choco) at RA is 2/$1

McGlame!!!: but the authoritah wouldn't...
cool

Jer: 2 is that the geese are migrating northward

McGlame!!!: excellent!

Jer: oh, there is a 3rd... i stocked up on choco
for bribery

McGlame!!!: lol
back in the day, there used to be a thriving barter system in 2nd shift... but it was goods-for-goods based... tea for chocolate for example...

Jer: choco for tickets

McGlame!!!: you seem to be developing a system of goods for services...

Jer: it's how i get minions when beat-down is not pertinent

McGlame!!!: lol

Jer: if you can't make friends, bribe 'em

Beating Nomnoms

2011-01-28T08:32:00.001-08:00

Jer: FEM : "so what do i need to do with this busted handset and cord?"
me : "whatever you'd like"
FEM : "so... can i beat some of my people with it?"
me: "so long as it's squared through your DM"

Limey: hahaha

Jer: (9:04 PM) Jer: vikki's been spoiling me with food
(9:04 PM) Dustin: WTF
(9:04 PM) Dustin: where's mine
(9:05 PM) Jer: umm.... waiting here for you
(9:05 PM) Jer: traitor
(9:05 PM) Dustin: lol
(9:25 PM) Dustin: Is Vikki there?
(9:27 PM) Jer: she wandered away
Jer nom-nom-noms
(9:28 PM) Dustin: >:o
Jer laughs so hard... tears... stream... down...

Cold Objectivism

2011-01-24T21:28:00.001-08:00

Jer: BLEH!!!!

Limey: It's copld
*cold

Jer: don't i know it!!
>>Jer has hot cocoa, kefir, cheese and reese's

Limey: nice

>>Jer also has cheese-filled croissants

Limey: good good you have snacks to make you

Jer: how ben has kept me schmitten for so long, i'll never know
and i actually woke up early enough to run errands... i was so proud
but i didn't wake up early enough to make brekkers, so, kinda miffed
so i bought pastries instead

Limey: I know how that goes

Jer: uh oh... i'm on edie's 'capable' list
.
.
.
Jer: "be compassionate enough to not ask questions"

Limey: yeah but there is a difference between not having to ask and feeling one has to explain

Jer: you'd've had to've read teh book to understand that quote
which you and ashley should anyway
it's an amazing book
the Fountainhead
or maybe it was Atlas Shrugged
prolly the latter, but you can't read Atlas Shrugged without reading the Fountainhead
it means a quiet acceptance... not not asking, but harboring questions

Limey: sounds like a good read

Jer: it is awesomeness.. objectivism is a necessary perspective
it makes things that don't quite fit make so much sense
it changed my life
"there are no lousy jobs, just lousy men who don't care to do them"

Limey: A job is a job, you're getting a payment for something you agreed to do, if you agreed to it you can't really bitch

Jer: nah, it's more about doing what needs to be done regardless
if you need to have something, do what you need to do to have it
if you're unwilling to 'stoop' to do something that is pertinent, then you suck
she is one of those lousy men... she doesn't work because she's not willing to do something 'lame' like actually work in order to make her life what she wants it to be

Limey: I don't understand people who think a job is beneath them even when they are desperate.. like sheenah

Jer: yup

Limey: if your desperate a job is a job what does it matter, it's just a stepping stone until you can find something better to improve things

Jer: it's 'beneath them' because they're unwilling to have integrity
in reality, they are beneath the job

Limey: in sheenah's case that's very true, she can't hold a job because she can't do what's needed or be responsible enough to keep it, they think they should fit to suit her life

Jer: hahah! like she has a 'life'
lousy men are the ones who think they should get paid for existing

Limey: hehe
her life consists of wasting her time, bitching that she needs a job but not looking for one, drinking and complaining that life's not fair because her boyfriend got arrested for a dui whilst on probation

Jer: i my case, though, i'd be willing to take a lesser job, but there are reasons why it would be too frustrating for me to do so : i need to have 2 things done that a poorly-paying job would not allow me to get done
sounds familiar
but, i wouldn't be beyond taking a 'crappy' well-paying job
cuz it will afford me what i need to have happen

Limey: yup sometimes circumstances mean you have to look for something better but if it comes down to it, an income is an income

Jer: i've thought about maybe doing something like cigarette sales.. make like $100 in tips a day
plus like $8/hour
$600/week
Limey: That's decent money

Jer: i think i'm gonna talk to joseppe and bryan xion to see what jobs they've got... it'll be crappy, but it'll at least get me out there
then i can wait on a better job

Limey: :P

Jer: 80xxxxxx
omfg
apparently no one on this last weekend is capable of reloading a damn VRU

Limey: eurgh of course the vru drops daily at 16:30
that's when it cycles everything for wilcal
but whoever they spoke with needs slapped

Jer: indeed

Limey: at that time most likely someone 2nd shift
shame we can't see who looked at it

Jer: someone took it out of monitor status, but apparently that was someone today

Limey: yeah

Jer: oh .... hmmm... KSU's been worked on too... that could cause some problems

Limey: I'd say so

Jer: so, if Edie thinks i'm capable... i probably won't be fired if they start trying to deplete our department more

Limey: :-D

Jer: i have a weird feeling that something unpredictable is going to happen
so, i'm predicting that something unpredictable will happen

Limey: haha always expect the unexpected

Jer: the spanish inquisition

losing what's lost

2011-01-21T22:11:00.000-08:00

"I needed to be distracted from my own brutal self-talk because i knew i couldn't allow myself to listen to it. i'm fragile and sensitive, but consciously knowing this does little to shelter me from harm... i needed to keep my mind and my hands busy with whatever diversion i could root out.. my sanctuary. My happy place. within its boundaries i could completely forget about the crippling storm brewing all around me."
-Meshugenah

thus spake the demiurge

2011-01-11T21:44:00.000-08:00

Friday, January 7, 2011
Jer: jews have proper buscuits
like their sheets
doh
Limey: hehe
Hmm, bacon and chocolate, you know someone has to make a bacon chocolate ice cream
Jer: you know what we should do if snow turns so deep... start piling proper and building tunnels for sidewalks and streets
Limey: That sounds good
Jer: you could make home icecream with bacon+choco
sounds reasonable
Limey: hehe
anyways I'm out
Jer: RUN AWAY!!!
there will be bacon upon the morrow!!!
Limey: SWEET
.
.
.
.
.
Jer: bleh
Limey: tis a sucky day
Jer: i pondered not getting out of bed
.
.
.
.
Jer: they don't get a choice
Limey: That's the main thing, so long as those that matter could have it explained to and would realize it's not about "devil worship" are the ones to keep
Jer: and they can watch a video
Limey: hahaha
Jer: hahah, the funny thing about 'devil worship' is the entire premise of satanism and gnosticism is that the 'maker of heaven and earth' is Ialdoboath... the demiurge... the darkness... and their belief is that Ialdoboath is what the christians really worship... satanism mocks it and gnosticism calls the old-testament god the devil
Jer: so, to other christian traditions, the Pauline christians are really the 'devil worshipers'
Limey: haha
Jer: and gnostics worship the source, the light
which, consequently, they believe to be hermaphroditic - both and neither
Limey: I always used to confound neil with the argument of.. well if everything created by god is a part of him, wouldn't that mean when he created the angels lucifer and satan and they fell from grace to become evil.. would that not mean god is in part like humans evil
but he used to get frustrated with if we didn't evolve why do we have tailbones
Jer: the gnostic perspective is that the darkness, created by sophia as an abomination (she created alone, without the consort of the light/supreme god-head), wondered at the light and every time it tried to reach out to it, it could never touch it.... it turned inward and made the world, trapped rays of light (angels/archons) and made them into bodies/spheres, and trapped other souls and made them into living creatures and man
sophia is the 'veil'
so, we are excised pieces of light trapped in shells of darkness
which, in a purely scientific sense, is entirely true
all matter is energy...
Limey: yup, that would make sense to me
Jer: just not very bright-glowing energy
Limey: and energy itself cannot be destroyed or created, just changed from one form to another
Jer: it has a greater degree of finite than other forms of energy.. it's not free
it's trapped
but, it's purest form is radiant energy
and somehow we've always been conscious of that on some level
it's why we don't think we belong here
the soul or mind or whatever it is, is a product of electrical current, of chemically-induced spurts of energy... it know what it is
mwahahhaahaahhaaha
they had this shit figured out 10K years ago... it just got all mucked up
Limey: yes well, unfortunately some greedy ass humans came along
Jer: nah... they just took the knowledge they had in front of them and rehashed it like i just did in a way that made sense to them and others based on their status quo... and when someone picked up that assessment years later, they did the same thing... on and on and on until it pretty much just became innocuous words

how the wee place looked... it's all coming down now

2011-01-11T21:15:00.000-08:00

hatelife, PA

2010-02-06T19:06:00.001-08:00

soo.... couldn't sleep more than a couple hours after passing out drunk last night... staggering to a friend's new place from the Pub... kept watch like a parent watching a sick kid at my car slowly being burried in the street...
the three of us unburried our cars... i make my way home after we hit up the only open restaurant (the dive diner along the way) and i find that the long "drive way" road between roads that my residence is on has not been plowed... our management company didn't send anyone like they're supposed to. the other houses along the opposite end of the back-road plowed up to their drives which made it a bit easier to start hand-shoveling more than 300 linear feet of snow that came up to my mid-thigh, wide enough to fit our cars. all but one of my neighbors' vehicles were marooned... i dug out one other and my male neighbor helped me hand-plow enough to reach one of the other neighbors' cars... the gal under me and her young daughter haven't emerged and are still buried in snow. i'll be doing their half tomorrow.
i was pissed - i had to drive around the area for 15 minutes to find a place to park so i could even get to my house - but i've been so restless it was kinda nice to have something to do just to do something.

house party tomorrow? we'll see

numiness

2009-12-06T19:56:00.000-08:00

the new home... after some work

2009-12-06T19:53:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving at work

2009-12-03T21:40:00.001-08:00

Jer: pooh
too many to go

McGlame!!!: is there anything there that shows the power supply status?

McGlame!!!: ready for a holiday in the bin?

Jer: bleh
boy gets in in 6 hours

McGlame!!!: ahhh

Jer: er... bcast

McGlame!!!: yeah?

Jer: well, bcast and music aren't working....
rebooted IDU and amino...

McGlame!!!: sounds satelliteish

Jer: do i send to NCC?

McGlame!!!: yeah... well, either call ncc or see if anyone is in the ncc chatroom

Jer: k-doke

McGlame!!!: depending on who's at ncc they might argue and grouse...

Jer: ew... i don't know where the chatroom is

McGlame!!!: same as our rooms... click on Join Conference Room...

Jer: yeah... it's been a while

McGlame!!!: looks like there are 2 people there now...
not sure who they are...
I'm on a boat

Jer: it's like yesterday, they're just logged into spark
that was our platoon motto for a while

McGlame!!!: lol

Jer: for some reason the senior plt could get away with "get to the chappa" and we couldn't get away with "i'm on a boat"

McGlame!!!: ah well...
maybe if you were in the navy they'd appreciate "I'm on a boat" more...

Jer: hhahah
i think it's just cuz they never heard the song... they're too old

McGlame!!!: prolly

Jer: ncc has deemed to send FTS first

McGlame!!!: lol
that often happens...

Jer: figures

McGlame!!!: they want irrefutable proof that its the satellite...

Jer: figures... hughes is $300 a hit
now i know...
usually the thing comes back up
and i don't have to worry about it

McGlame!!!: yeah, but they don't figure in the ft's tendency to pitch a fit...

Jer: indeed... well, i put them in the ticket, sooooo

McGlame!!!: that's cool

Jer: 645####
covered my ass

McGlame!!!: yep
so the ft will hopefully frown but not reach for the flag button...

Jer: he can't, i was told!

McGlame!!!: well, if its someone irrational like mad...

Jer: then berney takes it off anyway

McGlame!!!: yeah

Jer: and counter flags
is there such a thing as too much food?

McGlame!!!: depends on your perspective...

Jer: i think i have too much

McGlame!!!: if you look at it from the standpoint of one who is just having a good time, no...
if you look at it from the standpoint of one who is concerned about their health, yes...
shakira vs. drew barrymore

Jer: drew
no contest

McGlame!!!: ok, drew's ahead 3-0

Jer: gee
hmmm.... if there's 5 or so of us rx peeps.... where are all the fe peeps?

McGlame!!!: fe peeps are probably coming in at their normal time
yeah... I just looked at the schedule, and almost everyone in fe took the holiday, but those that are coming in are coming in at their regular time

Jer: awesome
6452### just weird
isn't there a telnet command to get the size of available space on a drive?
oh dangit!
i'm dumb ... nm

McGlame!!!: lol

Jer: everyone at this store reminds me of that one episode of x-files
the inbreds

McGlame!!!: lol

Jer: they don't have too much of an accent.... but they're all pretty dumb
wow... she's turning on and off stuff

McGlame!!!: uh oh

Jer: she's figured out how to turn on her adding machine

McGlame!!!: lol

Jer: god, this is hopeless
omg...
she hardbooted the servers

McGlame!!!: no good can come of that
"epsilon minus semi-morons" as they would say in Brave New World?

Jer: indeed
god, i hope their FTS is from a different county

McGlame!!!: lol

Jer: "do you have any scissors? cut that off"

McGlame!!!: ooooh

Jer: this does not appear to be good

McGlame!!!: that doesn't sound good at all

Jer: "this cord's not long enough, so we're cutting it off so it will go into the wall"

McGlame!!!: sounds like the tech will arrive to find the office completely destroyed

Jer: i'm trying so hard not to laugh

McGlame!!!: I'd be pissed

Jer: so... they supposedly plugged the MMV into the wall...
i think i'll send FTS before i send NCC

McGlame!!!: yeah...

Jer: no light on MMV

McGlame!!!: who is the ft?

Jer: sdc

McGlame!!!: never heard of him...
let me run the flagged prf and see how fond he is of flagging tickets...

Jer crosses fingers

Jer: they sounded so disappointed that they have to wait for a tech... but they were like, "well, we did this" and kinda looked to me to wiggle my nose or approve

McGlame!!!: lol

Jer: and grant them their satellite back

McGlame!!!: ok, sdc has only flagged one ticket in the last month and it was a photo ticket...
so, you could probably send him out

Jer: well... there's not much he can flag me for... if the store didn't do what i told them to...

Jer: it's in the ticket

McGlame!!!: yeah...

Jer: ew.... Kentucky... no wonder

McGlame!!!: lol
remember though that the techs don't necessarily read the ticket before pressing the flag button

Jer: true
but berney takes them off if i did it right

McGlame!!!: yeah

Jer: putting on hold at this store means setting you on the counter

McGlame!!!: yeah... i see that a lot...
or hear that I guess I should say
did you ever hear about the theory that you can convince people of things by paying attention to and matching what sense they refer to more often in the way they speak... for example, if someone commonly says "I see what your saying" you can convince them of something easier by saying "this doesn't look right" than "this doesn't sound right"

Jer: hahah
hmm...
that's going to be my new study
i've already mastered the disposition
i can make people feel uncomfortable just by standing there

McGlame!!!: lol

Jer: and the tone of voice thing

McGlame!!!: practicing to be a bene gesserit?

Jer: hehe
not that kind of tone of voice

McGlame!!!: lol

Jer: but you know how people sound fake

McGlame!!!: yeah

Jer: i try to get people to do what i want without sounding condescending or fake
each person's different
i wouldn't say i'm a master yet, but i'm proficient

McGlame!!!: cool

Jer: and nothing ever seems to work on people that are too passive or don't know what they want
cuz then you can't read them well
so i usually ignore their existence altogether

McGlame!!!: wow

Jer: i am a master at ignoring people so they don't even get the hint that i know that i'm ignoring them

Jer: they usually just think they're not being loud enough
wait, is there supposed to be a duty line for FTS today, or ....
it's the guy's first holiday w/ RA

McGlame!!!: nah, just page like normal...

Jer: k-doke
he's just gonna check with his sup... told him that was cool
he's like : you sure this can't be done over the phone
told him, i tried, but,,,
did we get a lunch schedule?

McGlame!!!: not yet... jon might be working on it...

Jer: FE did
bastages
hehe

McGlame!!!: or we might just be assignmentless bastards...

Jer: woot!
i can go see ben on my lunch break if i take it at 5 ;D
pooh, there it is

McGlame!!!: jon didn't adjust for us all being in earlier than normal

Jer: yeah... i just reminded him
i'm gonna go grab more food... take it home for ben

McGlame!!!: lol

Jer: i don't think this pharmacist realized why i wanted him to put me on hold
wow.. almost half the day gone... and it's my normal start time

McGlame!!!: yeah...
well, for me its a third of my day...

Jer: yeah... you're so lucky
hey, if i'm waiting on Hughes to get a new MMV out to the store... do i keep the ticket open or in monitoring P-1?

McGlame!!!: open, I'd say...
McGlame!!!: ncc might eventually claim your ticket...

Jer: woot
k
i'll sit on it
i dont' know where i'm finding space for all this food

McGlame!!!: lol

Jer: it's like all protein... though... mostly the turkey

McGlame!!!: yeah
looks like drew barrymore is headed to the championship match...

Jer: RXFA33
101##

McGlame!!!: I'm not seeing an rxfa33

Jer: he keeps calling in with scripts that need deleted
ah, then he can't spell

McGlame!!!: ahh
lol

Jer: he's been told numerous times... so i basically told him : well, we have enough to work with, if you come across it again you dont' have to call it in
;D

McGlame!!!: lol

Jer: permish to reboot 47## sc02
RSA says CPU held in rest

McGlame!!!: granted... let me know when you have a ticket logged and I will formally bless it...
might want to see what's on the screen though

Jer: stupid portal
now
i have to fill it out again
done
held in rest means shut down?
or something screwed up

McGlame!!!: it usually means its stuck on some early screen in the boot process

Jer: crap
shut off and power on

McGlame!!!: if it were completely shut down it would say "system powered off/state unknown"

Jer: powering off, then

McGlame!!!: your ticket has been blessed

Jer: woot
i've never had much luck with the power system on bit
yeah, it's not responding to it
but at least it's shut off
FEM says SC02's booted...?
pooh, i fat-fingered

McGlame!!!: who can say?
the rsa might just be confused

Jer: nah, i fat-fingered when i dialed the store

McGlame!!!: ahhh

Jer: hehe
oops

McGlame!!!: you just happened to dial into another store where its stuck on cpu in reset?

Jer: disk boot failure
failover

McGlame!!!: yeah

Jer: do you want me to try powercycle for 5 minutes?

McGlame!!!: yeah, you can give it a shot

Jer: ask the 8 ball

McGlame!!!: concentrate and ask again
my sources say no

Jer: k-doke
backups are good

McGlame!!!: cool

Jer: soo... i P-1 to FTS... RX closes in an hour
soo....
do we still want to do a failover?

McGlame!!!: yeah, i think so...

Jer: k... i'm gonna pass on my assignment in favor of doing my failover

McGlame!!!: ok

Jer: poop

McGlame!!!: poop?

Jer: ftcat

McGlame!!!: not familiar
only flagged one ticket in the last month... also a photo ticket...
come to think of it though, I think that's the one kim doesn't get along with...
nah, nm...

Jer: so i'll be just fine

McGlame!!!: yeah

Jer: haha

McGlame!!!: I was thinking that's the one kim didn't like, but that one is a chick...

Jer: ah, yeah... charles... not a good chick name
just a cruel parent name for a girl

McGlame!!!: lol

Jer: now... is there any way to determine if this ibm has a third drive?
or cuz the backups are on RX01, it should be fine

McGlame!!!: no, I wouldn't say that...
I think the only way to tell with the server down is to have someone look
if it would boot up, you could see if they have an H: but then we wouldn't need to fail 'em over

Jer: how many have 3 drives?

McGlame!!!: not a huge number
steph's coming over this way... maybe she knows a trick

Jer: if it had a third drive... then wouldn't that mean backups are on the 3rd drive?

McGlame!!!: well, they would start there instead of on F:, but they'd still have to copy to either rx01 or sc03...

Jer: ¡¡2!!
what time you going to lunch?
hmmm....
it completed...
oh wait! failover is faster

McGlame!!!: ngph/util?

Jer: yup

McGlame!!!: cool!
once that's done, I start to become cautiously optimistic

Jer: yeah...
mssql likes to stop
unless they updated the script

McGlame!!!: yeah
although I think they actually may have updated it... it seems to me that I remember seeing the rprx/dib/secadmin/wfms scripts starting mssql

Jer: hehe... after running the first db... this one wants you to make sure that the server is really down
really really down

McGlame!!!: lol
they should make each one a bit more concerned... are you REALLY SURE the server is down? are you ABSOLUTELY sure? are you 100% TOTALLY sure?

Jer: hahah
it's funny how they give you instructions after it completes that aren't in the pdr...
soo... which am i more likely to do
?

McGlame!!!: instructions?

Jer: yeah... verify logs and all that crap before moving on

McGlame!!!: not sure i follow... you said instructions that AREN'T in the PDR?

Jer: yup
after each db is run... it wants you to check for errors

McGlame!!!: oh yeah...

er: but the pdr doesn't care until you get to the end

McGlame!!!: right... yeah...
I see what you're saying

Jer: he doesn't have the 10 drives
....
was yesterday the last day for the nine's or friday

McGlame!!!: I believe that's ok today... but let me doublecheck...

Jer: well, he wont' get there until tomorrow
they close in 20 minutes
well, rx does

McGlame!!!: yeah, his 9's are ok...
until saturday...
then its all 10's

Jer: k, i'll let him know
hmmm...
ignored text
restore_output.txt
the third line from the bottom
warning

McGlame!!!: call the sr4

Jer: crap

McGlame!!!: hopefully, they'll say its ok

Jer: i hope so
something Edie hasn't seen before
!

McGlame!!!: we're doomed!

Jer: evidently the third drive thing is located in store info at the bottom under attributes
077
for future reference
;D

McGlame!!!: oh yeah... I guess it is

Jer: 47##
how's it look?

McGlame!!!: kosher!

Jer: woot!

McGlame!!!: edie says it failed over fine, and I wrapped up the remaining couple steps

Jer: hehe
danke! danke!

McGlame!!!: yep
you gotta love a remix called the "boiling turmoil remix"

Jer: hehe
was watching cold case files.. the real show, not the drama... and finally found out what the whole bind, torture and kill thing was all about

Jer: it's an industrial song

McGlame!!!: ah yeah... I remember hearing about that...

Jer: oklahoma or arkansas
i forgot

McGlame!!!: not sure

Jer: they called him btk
ben landed... my ability to do work is now thwarted

McGlame!!!: lol

Jer: can you look up a profile for me if you're bored
104## rx # need to see what status it's in

nm
i'll play with their workstations since they're closed
forgot

McGlame!!!: yeah I don't have any easy way to determine what status its in

Jer: hehe

McGlame!!!: sleepy

Jer: hehe
protein buzz
want some coffee?
i went and got the specialty coffees, like jack daniels and irish cream... only to remember that there's no coffee maker any more
so.. i'll have to make them at home and bring in a thermos.... or buy a coffee maker for here and hide it

McGlame!!!: check out ticket #6455###... they're having trouble with "odering"

Jer: hahah
you takin' this one?
logging a new ticket for kyb?

McGlame!!!: nah, you can have it if you want...

Jer: we'll see if i come back to it
haha... they keep sending portal issues to purchasing
i'm just takin em',,, killing of ...lite_browser on all the workstations and recycling iis... takes up time

McGlame!!!: "electrohead" is pretty cool...

Jer: yup
it's combichrist, of course

McGlame!!!: yeah

Jer: "what you thinkin"
is pretty good, too
forgot who did that one
if 1st reg phone is 224, and 2nd reg phone is 242, would it stand to reason that 3rd reg phone is 422?
hehe

McGlame!!!: lol...

Jer: although... i'm guessing when they mean reg3... it's the second reg phone, since reg1 is in rx

McGlame!!!: but the 2nd reg phone is 242? that's odd...

Jer: indeed

McGlame!!!: usually the 240's are ports 5-8 on an 8 port vru

Jer: indeed
241 is conference window rx7
?

McGlame!!!: well, I guess it could be...

Jer: it skips from 229 to 241 and then 242, and 250

McGlame!!!: 243 is port 5 on an 8 port... 238 is the last pharmacy counter phone in a store with 7 pharmacy phones...
so partway between the two could be a "conference window" extension....

Jer: who can say

McGlame!!!: yep...

Jer: if i had work ethic, i'd call them
but...

McGlame!!!: lol

Jer moves on to inocuous tickets

Jer: 6454### ahahhaa
like this is something we can fix

McGlame!!!: lol... yeah, I saw that earlier...
we have to find who it is and beat them until they stop... urgently!

Jer: we need an asshat code for problems that are really not our issue but that aren't wrong depts either

McGlame!!!: lol...

Jer: i heard that

McGlame!!!: nx asshat howto prc

Jer: it's about time i hear an actual lol
i think i'm gona wrong dept this one for my ammusement
that's not wrong, is it?
i mean... are we really obligated?

McGlame!!!: well, I'm not sure what the 4th would be (you see there's new 4th field codes for wrong depts?)

Jer: ah yes
RXDUMB

McGlame!!!: i think of it as more of a prc issue...

Jer: well, actually
asshat fits

McGlame!!!: well, yeah, it does

Jer: but it's not prc... it's inbound calls
some dumbass dr. office has the wrong number

McGlame!!!: so you advise the store about what to do... and call it prc...

Jer: err... call all their dr's and make sure they have the right fax number?
i still think asshat works better

McGlame!!!: true... but if they see the phone number on the phone when it calls, you could probably look up that number in raquery and figure out the doctor name... then you could advise the store to contact that doc
unfortunately, if it doesn't show up on their phone... they're SOL
maybe the doctor will eventually realize he has the wrong number when none of his faxes go through

Jer: i didn't think we had caller id
usually it just says what line it is
i thought

McGlame!!!: well, their phones are similar to the older model of phone we have here (not the callmasterIII but the other one) so it might give a phone #

Jer: you're killing the asshat thing

McGlame!!!: lol

Jer: just kick the dead horse

McGlame!!!: well, asshat as a last resort

Jer: nah, first on this one

McGlame!!!: lol

Jer: "sure, we'll go 'fix' that doctor faxing you on a voice line, right up!"

McGlame!!!: some of the stores on this report are not actually open

Jer: indeed
i gave up on the report
figured you guys could use them
gave up on supdis for tickets i can pick at

McGlame!!!: lol

Jer: which no one here knows how to get to, so don't worry

McGlame!!!: eh, I don't think I said anything offensive during the convo

Jer: nope... you're kosher

McGlame!!!: everybody hates phone tickets

Jer: not i...
i'm a smoothie for the most part

McGlame!!!: ok... almost everybody
I hate having them sit in my queue and calling up the store after I KNOW they got the phone and they're like "oh, we didn't get a phone yet!"

Jer: i make it sound like there's impending spontaneous combustion about to happen if we dont' figure out if there's a wiring issue

McGlame!!!: lol

Jer: wtf?
FLAVOR RX APPLICATION IS NOT AVAILABLE UNDER START MENU
flavor

McGlame!!!: I saw that... not sure

Jer: hahaha

McGlame!!!: well, I know what flavor rx is...

Jer: oh really?

McGlame!!!: but not how to get the link to show up

Jer: what the hell does that do?
90 minutes

McGlame!!!: its a mostly useless piece of software... you know how some kids meds they can add a flavor to? well this program tells them what flavors taste best which what meds...

Jer: figured
pathetic!
portal app?

McGlame!!!: like you put in an ndc and it will tell you that grape works well but chocolate is not recommended...

Jer: wt...

McGlame!!!: no, actually I don't think it is... its a separate program...

Jer: i've never seen that under start

McGlame!!!: I don't think all stores have it...

Jer: betcha they did a reload

McGlame!!!: perhaps

Jer: nope

McGlame!!!: I think we may have flavor-rx in the lab...

Jer: haha!
can we flavor the skittles in the spro?

McGlame!!!: lol
prolly not

Jer: PHONE IN FE HANGS UP WHEN PUT ON HOLD AND WONT PAGE.... more likely prog issue or unit issue... cuz i'll just send request now, troubleshoot later

McGlame!!!: sounds phoneish... but you can't be sure...

Jer: can do....

Jer sending new phone

McGlame!!!: lol

Jer: it wont' get solved until monday one way or another

McGlame!!!: I probably shouldn't, but I often work phone tickets that way... I get a hunch of what's wrong and send that... but I'm usually right...

Jer: yup
i'm more often right when i work from the gut than when i try to think

McGlame!!!: especially if they give me the ol' "we can't swap the phone" routine

Jer: hahah
crap... spencer did this one

McGlame!!!:

Jer: chances point to Platinum T7316E
yup, mac says so

McGlame!!!: mac?

Jer: Nortel-T7316E Telephone Set-Platinum
their mac tickets for convo sotres

McGlame!!!: ahh

Jer: i win
i'm sneaky like that...
which is also why i got confused with the M208's
400
hmmm.....

McGlame!!!: 231

Jer: chances of this spcent actually having vdisp problems... consult the 8 ball

McGlame!!!: I'm asking it "does this spro actually have a vdisp problem?"
if so, the answer is "as I see it yes"

Jer: indeed
Describe your situation: in reloading drugs to cells after drive issues resolved earlier this month, 6 cells will not scan..error msg "no bar code match found"..tried new cell bar code label...still will not scan cell...E17,E22,E24,F17,F22 & F24 NOT RECOGNIZED
8 ball and coding fail

McGlame!!!: the 8 ball was wrong!

Jer: either that or it doesn't know the difference between a cell and a vdisp

McGlame!!!: perhaps

Jer: these suck too much for even bwb
alright... 8 ball, one more supposed spcent vdisp...?
yay or nay

McGlame!!!: "you may rely on it"

Jer: Describe your situation: QUANTITY DISPENSED IS INCORRECT - CONSISTENTLY MORE THAN BEING REQUESTED ...... CALIBRATION ISSUE?

McGlame!!!: 8 ball wrong again!

Jer: perhaps it's because the mojo from the rxp's really think it's vdisp... so the universe tells the 8 ball it is in fact a ticket coded as vdisp
ask it if it was wrong

McGlame!!!: "very doubtful"

Jer: at least it trusts itself

McGlame!!!: its standing by its previous answer

Jer: hmm... no good
6455###
drug file?
nope, drug file matches up

McGlame!!!: I saw that one... perhaps clinical pharm needs resent... but that's not normally how it manifests itself

Jer: indeed... is there CP for Nov or Oct... steph was looking for it in shared....
don't know what the definitive was on that

McGlame!!!: oct I think... but I'm not sure

Jer: k-doke
i'll try it in remote 02, see if the file's small enough

McGlame!!!: nope, looks like sept

Jer: to not incur the wrath of peer
ah
dude, where's the pdr... clinical rx is all jacked

McGlame!!!: this is essentially it (ignore the complex error message that its supposed to be for)...

Jer: haha

McGlame!!!: in this book, there's a quote that is very relevant to working here... "Almost sure wasn't good enough. Almost sure in my experience is the shortest road to oh fuck"

Jer: hehe... new battle stories with my baby bro
hahah
i'm definitely gonna have to read that series
ew... this might not go through

McGlame!!!: too big?

Jer: and i have a sneaking suspicion this is considered slacking
it's still going

McGlame!!!: slack?

Jer: i'm feeling a "closed by peer" message coming on

McGlame!!!: yeah... I wouldn't worry about slack though... maybe if there was something else pressing to do...
you here tomorrow?

Jer: indeed!
close "closed by remote host"... remote 03 here i come

McGlame!!!: yep
1/2 hour till lunch... then another hour after lunch and the day is done!

Jer: T-30 minutes and i'm gone

McGlame!!!: slacka

Jer: crap... remote 03's not letting me log in

McGlame!!!: remote 04 maybe?

Jer: trying

McGlame!!!: the second time it asks what computer, did you change it to RA (This Computer)?

Jer: used to be 4 that wouldn't let me log in
?
Jer: oh... i think i know what it was...

McGlame!!!: you know how it asks twice what computer... the second time change it to RA

Jer: it had a path in username

McGlame!!!: ah

Jer: i win
oooo... i have a ravru to reload too
McGlame!!!: reload it well

Jer: T-13
shall we end the day in chocolaty goodness?

McGlame!!!: I sent an rx_turnover form... so that they can verify that the failover worked in the am
sure...

Jer: i noticed
og upi yu[r kidy pmr lru dry pbrt/// o epmfrt og yjsy od s hppf esu yp vpfr

McGlame!!!:

Jer: if you type just one key over i wonder if that is a good way to code
i must missed a word
nope...
just the ...

McGlame!!!: ahh

Jer: oy s[[rdstd dp

McGlame!!!: it appears so?

Jer: hehe
yup
i'm gonna use that at some point
woot for remote 03

McGlame!!!: cool
I should prolly try to do a load of laundry when i get home

Jer: mmmm... so, there is something better than the original reese's peanut butter cup

McGlame!!!: indeed

Jer: would never have thought
CMartin will be thrilled

McGlame!!!: about the reese's?

Jer: yup
awesome!
oh, can't read,,, there's cb and cp update in downloads
was gonna say

McGlame!!!: cbt chillin' in there?

Jer: there seems to be little benefit to renaming executables that we ftp over
evidently..
it was prolly mine.. are we supposed to delete those when finished?

McGlame!!!: actually if its named something_update.exe it should theoretically delete itself...

Jer: ah, is that how it works
well,,, it was recent, then

McGlame!!!: that's why they rename it... so that it self-deletes... but it doesn't always work

Jer: that would be the reason for the name change

McGlame!!!: yep

Jer: it was sent today
or ran today

McGlame!!!: any cbt tickets from today?

Jer: they're just having problems at this store, it seems
nope, actually, just pending and mono

McGlame!!!: hmmm... might be a new cbt they're getting...

Jer: lots of pending tickets... looks like omni's failing a lot
so...
guess so
crap... T-2 and this thing's taking forever to install

McGlame!!!: it should get done in time

Jer: does not appear to be the case

McGlame!!!: bummer

Jer: looks like i'll have to run it again or just lock my 'puter

Baby Bro meets the Marine Corps... #2: Training Begins

2009-09-12T07:17:00.000-07:00

[Preface: if you guys have any questions about the "why's" the "how's" and the terminology, just lemme know]

Dear Jer,
Boot camp started off hard, no sleep for 24 plus hours, even waiting at the airport and MEPS to get to CA was a while. I left to go to MEPS at 4:30am, got to the airport at 1pm, got on the plane at 6pm and got picked up by the bus to go to MCRD some time around 8pm. After that everything went so slow. we got 6 hours of sleep max that first week, it was receiving week, eh, it was horrible medical and dental boringness for hours. it's not so bad now i'm giving 100% effort, but about 10% of recruits are not so the whole platoon gets yelled at for that [sigh]: less free time, more games, the IT (insensitive training) isn't that bad, we aren't doing hygene by the numbers anymore though i just hope it gets better and the days go by faster. hope you're doing good with your training.
love Davin

Dear Jer
tell mom and dad thanks for the letter, it's nice to get mail. I'm going to need to know the new address ASAP; I ordered some yearbook stuff and grad stuff, i mean i WILL be ordering them week 10. so i graduate on a wednesday. family day will be tuesday. i think time's starting to fly by. i'm used to everything now. i know usually what orders and what we are doing each day. a couple people have already broke down. they pulled all six platoons of A co outside the other day to watch a recruit get arrested. from what the chief ID said, the Rec gave up and refused to train. brig and a discharge for him.

a lot of people came in here and didn't expect this. i got chewed out bad twice: first time i was kind of shaky, cuz i didn't know how to deal with it; second time i kept my cool and he hasn't bothered me too much since. the food's not that bad. i miss my mom's cooking. when i get back i will pretty much eat anything. a lot of the food here looks and tastes synthetic. this week is drill week, well finishing up drill, and next week is swim week, then i go up north, field week, rifle week, team week, [gra]ss week. mail will go slow; same address, they just forward it up there. after it is the reaper and finals week, a bunch of testing. then crucible and graduation.

all i really think about is food now. the girls have got it so easy. i'm doing laundry tonight, haven't done any since i've been here. church helps, relieves stress here and gives me something to do. say hi to everyone for me. [sigh] another two months of this. how is the moving going? is everyone getting settled in? how is the girls' school going? i'm trying my best to get through this as fast as i can. i miss you and my sisters, and mom and dad. gotta go, house cleaning time
love Davin

Dear Jer,
Thanks for giving mom and dad my address. did they move yet? and yeah, my hand writing's horrible right now, got my fingers bruised and swollen from pugal sticks and marshal arts training, an dnice try with the candy. It was my SDI who did the mail handout today, he's the only DI who cares about us. my other 2 DI's which are here to train me would have IT'd me for getting candy. they do IT when you do something wrong or when they feel like playing games.

my SDI is the most intense DI on this base, he's got a rep for it too. he's usually chill to us, but when we mess up he turns into a crazy recruit-killing SDI. he has IT'd the whole platoon maybe 4 or 5 times so far, 78 recruits total. the training is still tough, and i'm trying my best still. oh, i get double rations so chow isn't that bad at the moment. we got an hour of free time because we have been doing good lately. unfortunately we can't eat dessert at chow. DI said he will IT us if we touch it. so every other platoon can touch it but us :(

you or dad should send me some power bars: that's one of the only things we are actually allowed to receive. i'm doing great in the classroom, we look awesome drilling, still got a long way to go. i miss home right now. i really don't have much freedom here. say hello to everyone. i can't believe i'm already almost on my second week of training. Nov 4th here i come :) i still remember eating at olive garden the day before i left. i miss good food. that's the first thing i'm getting when i get back.
love Davin

Baby Bro meets the Marine Corps... #1: Required "I'm alive and well" letter

2009-09-12T06:48:00.000-07:00

I have arrived safely at MCRD San Diego, CA and have been assigned to PLT 1015/A Co/1st Recruit Training Battalion. We have four Drill Instructors (DI) and one senior Drill Instructor (SDI) for our platoon (PLT) that will be with us every day, everywhere we go.

Accountable mail (UPS/FedEX) is difficult to receive so PLEASE do not send it. While here at recruit training, I am not allowed to receive certain items such as medication, alcohol, gambling devices, tobacco products, and combustibles. If I am in need of medication, I will be provided the opportunity to see a medical officer and receive medication if prescribed. It is not necessary for you to send any money; I will earn enough to cover the expenses during boot camp. Everything that I will need to complete training will be issued to me in the future...

From the SDI:
My name is Staff Sergeant (SSgt) Taylor, and I am the SDI for PLT 1015. I have been assigned to care for and train your young man for the next three months. I am responsible for leading and guiding this future Marine through the many challenging and demanding stages of his training. My DI's and I will ensure that he puts forth his maximum effort. Through concerned and positive leadership we will help him develop a strong sense of pride, self-respect, confidence and a greater level of physical and mental endurance.

He is about to undergo a rigorous training cycle, which will test him both physically and mentally. The first phase of training takes place at Marine Corps Recruit Depot (MCRD), San Diego, CA. Training consists of physical training, close order drill, water qualification and an introduction to military life. Extensive classes on Marine Corps history, first aid, military customs and courtesies and military law will be taught.

The second phase of training takes place at Camp Pendleton, CA and consists of rifle marksmanship and field skills training. Upon returning to MCRD the last four weeks will consist of final tests, administrative procedures and preparation for duty in the Fleet Marine Force.

Your young man will be facing many obstacles and may experience periods of frustration, especially during first phase. Positive and encouraging letters as well as prayer from relatives and friends will greatly contribute to his morale and attitude. High morale and a positive outlook are assets for a solid foundation and attribute to successful training. Your role in maintaining his high morale and motivation, which can benefit his positive development, is vital and encouraged. Our graduation date is scheduled for November 4, 2009.

Again, I assure you that your young man is in good hands. My team of DI's and I will always use positive and concerned leadership in the course of training and development of your future Marine. If any problems or questions you think best answered through me should arise, feel free to contact me. Your role in helping to encourage and motivate him through letters is greatly appreciated.

In his own words:
Dear Jer,
so after i got off the plane, i got to talk to some of the marines shipping out to their job. i learned some stuff from them like you can get away with eating chow at night if it's not loud food. the first hour at the MCRD which is where i stay for my first phase (3 weeks), it could only be described as crazy and insane. at about 12 when we were at our barracks i thought we would go to sleep for a few hours but we ended up staying up til 8 the next night, now i realize why you doze off after 5 minutes or so... i was about to get a shot when i almost fell asleep. a lot of the recruits are "stupid" as my processing DI says, who is a hilarious bad-ass. not only do they ask stupid questions, they cannot get it through their head to say "this recruit" or "that recruit" instead of I, me, we.

Sadly enough at lease a quarter (10/78) of the recruits are like that; as my DI says, that 10% cannot even lace their boots right or fill in a box on an inventory sheet of what size your gear is. I have not gotten to boot camp yet. My company is still being processed, which is just medical shit over and over. today is thursday, i run the IST tomorrow, i'm going to pass it. i also learned from a couple marines and from experience so far, to keep a low profile and blend in and not do stupid shit. i've got to write two more letters and i got fire watch tonight, so i will talk to you later. hopefully i will have time to mail another letter sometime this week
bye
love,
Davin

update; week 14 (or 8/16)

2009-07-13T01:08:00.001-07:00

military update

Current mood: awake

at some point, i was supposed to start an e-bulletin for everyone once i got settled at AIT, to keep everyone updated with the cool shenanigans here...

well, i didn't, and there aren't really any cool shenanigans to report on.

it's been about... forever... more or less 3 months and more (14 weeks, i think) that i've been on post; 6 taken up doing naught but detail, waiting for the class cycle to start; the rest in class, 4 of those weeks in weapons immersion (sucketh) and 2-3 weeks of relative sanity (almost). so, i suppose i should break it down a little more:

weeks 1-6: arrived here, totally squared away, all the sgt's loved us, we were quiet, goofy, and high-speed; newbs came in 2nd-6th weeks, and it all went to shit. still can't tell if it was Ft. Jackson or D-2-10/ Ft. Leonardwood who screwed us up the most... but for solidarity, we like to blame Jackson. and, again, i'm stuck in a platoon with an unprecidented number of females... gah!

weeks 7-8 (class week 1-2): started class, doin' all sorts of high-speed classified schtuff... awesomeness. i'm one of only like 5 in 150 that pass the pre-emptive IP/networking quiz; and though the instructors profess that no one really has a background in the stuff we're doing... i slowly raise my hand, begging to differ...
about 1/3 of the platoon actually passed the "break-off" test (maps/symbols) the first time around; 1/3 more passed it the second time around, and all but a handfull actually managed to pass the third go-round. we lost fewer than the senior platoon.

week 9-13 (class week 3-7): and we start weapons immersion... which in our company means full battle rattle; and it also just so happened to fall at a time when, instead of doing two incriments of 10 days... they decide to land us with it for a solid 30 days straight, doing training after class and going to range on fridays, with make-up classes on saturday, so we have a whopping 8 hours to ourselves each week for four weeks => we go batty. i twist my ankle twice... run on it for 2 miles for APFT, it turns interesting shades from purple to green... i finally go to sick call after landing a 288/300 on the APFT, and i'm on a 2 week profile after my second injury... yay!
we get off of weapons immersion in time for a four-day weekend... yeah, that didn't go so well... for any of the platoons. i got put on flag detail (raising and lowering the Post flag - Garrison on the holiday - twice daily) over the holiday, and consequently for the next week = no running for 3 weeks.

week 14 (class week 8) (i think this is right... maybe): we get our asses smoked so bad for 10+ people in the company (over 300 people) fucking up royally that we all bear the mark of Charlie company on the palms of our hands (thank you, tire pit). this smoke session occurs at morning pt and after classes... most of the females (myself included) have nervous breakdowns of some sort (and i didn't even get the worst of it - thank you SSG in charge of flag detail - because SSG had an eye on all of us over the weekend and knew we didn't fuck it up - fourth on my list that i owe the uttmost to). First SGT confesses that we're the worst platoon he's had at Ft. Huachuca. but how anyone would take a platoon called Cottonmouths seriously, is beyond me.

i have pictures on 35mm that i haven't developed yet... and most of the others i've posted... but all the interesting shenanigans that go on are at times when we're not permitted to have media-electronics on us... sucketh...

alas...

my ankle is better... still on flag detail, until the 15th, so i'll have to get back on how my runs are coming... and i have a new phone with better digital resolution on the camera, so the future pics should actually be discernible.

going over basics

2008-12-03T22:49:00.001-08:00

As a follow up to an exercise with terms let's review a few from a biblical context.

Many may be familiar with the concept that the term messiah means 'anointed one', being no one in particular save the 'crowned' ruler of the Jewish people, usually from the line descended from David. This term is not applied to rabbis or priests, and the station being occupied by someone in the priestly elite was not only unorthodox, it was reserved in part by Levites. It also has some very important aspects commonly over-looked by non-scholars: the first being that Jesus, as a pretender to the Jewish throne, and thereby one who may be deemed under the general term 'messiah', was only thus if he was directly related to his worldly father Joseph, who's patrilinear descent from David is commonly known (otherwise his brother James would have been deemed the true scion of the Davidic line, and thereby the true Messiah); the second is the nature of the relatively recently adopted apocalyptic attitude of the time where it was believed that a king would come who's reign would force all those foreign nations of the world to cower before Jewish law and thence redeem the world from its sin (in so many words, but the nationalistic attitude at the time spelled out by the zealots simply said it in nicer terms) -- redemption from sin in Jewish terms means living by the Law.

In taking terms that have previous meaning in a society and expanding it's boundaries to encompass what later becomes a philosophical concept or other is a form of creating elite-speak. Other such terms may be applied to things like pigeons, the Meek, the Poor, Messengers/Angels, the Holy Spirit. The Poor and other specific terms often used describe not the homeless beggars commonly believed, but more likely ascetics who have cast away possessions, wear white, lime-washed linens, and dwell in the "wilderness". Lamsa's enlightened reflections on idioms used in the Gospels are close to what historical researchers believe they meant. 'Angel', for instance, according to both Lamsa and biblical scholars, refers to members of the priestly elite.

The terms don't just stop at nouns, but also ways of describing time. Great and lengthy care has been taken to reconstruct the Gospel events by some biblical scholars in conjunction with the Peshers found in the Dead Sea Scrolls. At the time spanning the last centuries of BC and first century of AD, there were a number of different temporal reckonings: the solar, lunar and lunisolar to name a few. Each reckoning shifted the dates of years based on whether they recognized a 0 year from when a prophecy was made and when it was supposed to be fulfilled. Also varying in the length of the year, some made up for the leap year in a solar calendar with an extra 10-day period every dozen years. Terms like 'about' indicated a full day previous and the word order determines which hour on whichever numbered day of the week. 'One of these days' indicates the first day of the month, as each day is referred to as a number, and each week will have the same numbered days of the month on the same day of the week every year, even with a leap year (so the last day of one month could be 10 days away from the first day of the next month). In the leap on one of the calendars in use, a half-day was observed as hours shifted through daytime, and therefore the 3rd hour, or 9am, could be observed as being at 6 in the morning during certain times of certain years before a leap brought the times back round to "normal" again. (Please shoot me now, they must have been so incredibly bored to be able to keep track of all this.)

Moving on, some idioms presented by Lamsa (these being colloquial expressions, not quite as esoteric as what may have been the period's elite-speak):
"Went up to God" - went to a high place
"Satan" - adversary, dishonest man, to stay, to slide, to mislead, to slip, to mis the mark (in greek, the term we get 'sin' from)
"Angel" - pious or holy man, God's council, a messenger, a minister
"Flame of fire" - speed, prompt action; fluency in speech
"Living water" - true teaching
"Bread of life" - eternal truth
"Darkness" - ignorance and superstition
"lambs", "sheep", "ewes" - children, adults, women
"Staff" - protection
"Mountains and hills leveled" - proud, arrogant men humbled
"Touch his garment" - an urgent need
"Horn" - strength and triumph
"Carcass and eagles" - weak nations and powerful nations
"Held him by his feet" - implored him
"Plant" - teaching, doctrine
"take children's bread and cast it to dogs" - sharing the truths of Judaism with the pagans
"Hell" (Sheol) - resting place for the departed ones
"virgin" - a girl who has known no man, also an unmarried woman
"be perfect" - all inclusive, thorough
"bury my father" - take care of my father until he dies

too much more to type,
i'm gonna go sleep now

Unfinished

2008-11-25T23:36:00.000-08:00

Play with words

2008-11-20T17:41:00.002-08:00

I wielded a double-edged sword in phrasing that continuities are all too apparent... this, aside from the affirmation of connection between similar aspects, also ascribes that I lack the discretion to discern a substantial enough difference.

Alas, there are important similarities, and it must be known that all things human, as all things are in the universe, are ever-evolving, and ever-changing.

The first thing I want to do before presenting any religious ideas is present a little exercise in the use of language. I've always been a very literal thinker, and my association with words and phrases often puts me in an odd position because things are said that I'm meant somehow to understand some colloquial association or double meaning that I fail to grasp, seeing the terms literally.

So, in reading the past year or so, I've forced myself to pull out the common phrases that writers, scientists, and scholars use and realize how absurd they are in a literal sense (making it doubly difficult to read a British English translation of a French work published 50 years ago, for example); this of course meaning not their colloquial application, but their original, root context, and in some circumstances, it includes the actual term-applying process when dealing with more esoteric topics (elite-speak). One thing I found to start is how ridiculous latin terms are as a means of general communication; they are a rather overly-poetic form of description and labeling, and many of our modern and technical words come from Latin or Greek, of course. In fact, and in odd coincidence, their descendant forms have very different contexts, even within related modern languages...

... and though I find linguistic progressions fascinating, I tend to put other people to sleep, so on to the exercise:

dead man walking
one in the oven
going nuts
relative/ism (at least three different technical meanings that are not directly related and even rather misleading)
jigsaw puzzle
objective

yeah, we could keep on going, but I'm sure you get the point (and of course when I sit down to do this, all of them escape my mind); and it doesn't just stop at short terms... but instances like describing continents as shuttling cargo, ants commanding armies; my favorite is how I might try to describe anything I did at the lab, no matter how simple it actually was, but it sounds so complicated and impressive simply because of the terms I have to use to describe it: it requires terms and concepts with which laymen are not readily familiar.

That's the important part... when terms are made up or borrowed, turned into something meaningful... when later people read them, which do they conceptualize?

"there was a discharge and later he died"

This could mean any number of things, and even more so now that the term is now applied to aspects of society and technology. We would assume there would be background included in surrounding text.

"a battle ensued, and the guard failed, and one innocent was hit and wounded"

a discharged weapon leading to a death?
the wound was infected and led to his death?
the guard was discharged from service and later died?

The key to knowing is either in knowing the most common usage for the term 'discharge', or else having a less limiting source of information...
this may all seem properly ambiguous, but to those who are among the elite for whom the text is written, there is an understanding despite the outward ambiguity; the understanding is either of the situation itself or of the terms involved to describe it.

If this seems far-fetched, consider one interesting thing about history: Europe's most famous romance: King Arthur. A man so famous in his time that nothing was written about him. Songs were written for him, but no one knows what they mean, everyone assumed everyone who would hear knew enough to know about him. And the killer is that (haha, snuck one in on you) he may have been known under this title or that (historians have only that to debate on), and even what may be his name referenced by even a contemporary Roman official, is still only a title of sorts. The only thing that can be said for certain is that he fought, died and the next generation of people on what's now England started naming their kids Arthur.

PFC Orwig

2008-11-09T19:54:00.000-08:00

WOOT!

PRIVATE FIRST CLASS

Gnostic Intermission I

2008-10-30T22:31:00.000-07:00

Breaking from the recitation of gospel, it seems fitting to include a bit of opinion, reflection, real or assumed history, and just overall random scription.

Most people of the here and now begin learning about Gnosticism and the alternative scriptures when beginning with lesser-known aspects of history brought up in The Da Vinci Code, as referenced therein to Holy Blood, Holy Grail. I, on the other hand, had happened upon the documentary put together by the British authors of Holy Blood, Holy Grail long before the subsequent best-selling novel was on bookshelves; sometime in either 1998 or 1999. In my reading of biblical history, I have realized that non-historians are far better at accumulating fact and drawing logical conclusions from it than seasoned historians who fixate on an outcome and draw their own exaggerated conclusions from minutia rather than objectively indulging all sources.

It also became overtly obvious several general facts which are not commonly known to even most college graduates; granted graduates may be proficient in their fields and Liberal Arts Studies only further consilience in a mind towards which the tendency already leans, it is rather intriguing with all that is known, so much has been outright ignored for so long for reasons of sheer disassociation or desire for prestigious ignorance (here meaning a deluded investment in the presumed predestination of human kind), the latter being horribly ironic (to be explained in a later episode).

Interestingly enough, everything that may have been considered Christian Heresy, or even the equivalent in Jewish terms, has been reiterated by separate traditions inadvertently carrying on those early, heretical traditions while rabidly admonishing them from time to time.

I think the most concise review of the life and times of Jesus can be found in the book on the Cathars under the family reading list. He sticks to accepted history, but never fails to mention distinctions between what church goers and seculars generally know about that time and place and what is deliberated between historians. I would love to paraphrase from the book, but I've sent it on to share the knowledge.

There is work in historical linguistics attributing the terms such as 'angel', where their meanings have followed them through time. An angel is a messenger of God, in its Greek etymology; and thus has been suggested (the author I'm actually looking for, buried in one of my books' bibliographies) that each angel's name is representative of a station within the temple; this is how the "same person" could be living generation after generation, an "immortal" entity acting as a go between from God to man, a holy man who dwells in the temple, one who has ascended to God.

There are a couple of marked exiles and exoduses of the Hebrews. The first is mentioned and analyzed at great length in Holy Blood, Holy Grail: one of the tribes goes against the tribe of David, turning a blind eye to Sodom and Gomorrah (if memory serves). There is known to have been goddess worship among the early Hebrew tribes, be it borrowed or inherent, and the mystical traditions associated with Kabalah would confirm the otherwise overlooked importance of the female aspect (a particular aside here, that the female aspect seems to function covertly in conjunction with the Holy Spirit's habits: always covert, driven to the point of seeming self-evident, but never relinquishing its mysteries...). The goddess worshipers among the Jews may not have been favored (as the favored form of Judaism today no longer indulges it, having disassociated itself with it in most aspects long ago), and Paul and Peter's misogyny remained intact in the development of Roman Catholicism (Catholic means universal, distinguishing itself from the Orthodoxy without removing itself from it).

It is generally accepted by historians that Paul (and subsequently his collaboration with Peter) was the first heretic; his principles, even as he states them in his writings, are him speaking, and rarely ever attributed or associated with the teachings of Jesus. It is generally accepted that Mary Magdalen was among the disciples, and that Peter disapproved.

The Roman church was not that popular for the first five centuries or so... at all, until they swindled a king into their favor, only then to turn and supplant his family later (either by ignoring sedition or provoking it), and here we get the now infamous Merovingians. The Goths, Visigoths and others pouring into the broken boarders of the Roman Empire were not the heathens that most people generally assume. They were Christians... albeit Arian Heretics
"Pertaining to Arius, a presbyter of the church of Alexandria, in the fourth century, or to the doctrines of Arius, who held Christ to be inferior to God the Father in nature and dignity, though the first and noblest of all created beings. " I believe they are also considered to be dualists, though there is a distinction mentioned in the book on Cathars between absolute equality between the Supreme Godhead and the Darkness and the presumed discord in all of physical existence (humans having a good soul and a bad, infectious soul that must be purged).

The most thought provoking fact I'm now indulging in, is the influence of Zoroastrianism on the religious philosophy of the Middle East. Add Hebrew history and names, a bit of Greek terminology and Stoic philosophy, a touch of one man's life and an apocalyptic cultural mood with people on a mission to get their lives back, you've got Christianity. Or so it seems to me, but I'm not a practitioner, so continuities are all too apparent to my pattern-loving mind... to be discussed when sleep has been sated.

Gospel of Thomas, 26-35

2008-10-26T20:00:00.000-07:00

and i realize now i should have included author's notes respectively while posting each one as clarification would deem it necessary... alas

26. "Let there be among you [such] a prudent man : when the fruit arrived, quickly, sickle in hand, he went and harvested it. He who has ears to hear, let him hear!"

27. Jesus saw some children who were taking the breast : he said to his disciples: "These little ones who suck are like those who enter the Kingdom." They said to him: "If we are little, shall we enter the Kingdom?" Jesus says to them: "When you make the two [become] one, and when you make the inside like the outside and the outside like the inside, and the upper like the lower! And if you make the male and the female one, so that the male is no longer male and the female no longer female, and when you put eyes in the place of an eye, and a hand in the place of a hand, and a foot in the place of a foot, and an image in the place of an image, then you will enter [the Kingdom]!"

28. Jesus says: "I will choose you, one from a thousand and two from ten thousand, and those [whom I have chosen] will be lifted up, being one!"

29. His disciples say to him: "Instruct us about the place where thou art, for we must know about it!" He says to them: "He who has ears, let him hear! If a light exists inside a luminous one, then it gives light to the whole world; but if it does not give light, [it means that it is] a darkness."

30. Jesus says: "Love thy brother like thy soul; watch over him like the apple of thine eye."

31. Jesus says: "The straw that is in thy brother's eye, thou seest; but the beam that is in thine own eye, thou seest not! When thou hast cast out the beam that is in thine own eye, then thou wilt see to cast out the straw from thy brother's eye."

32. "If you do not fast from the world, you will not find the Kingdom. If you do not make the Sabbath the [true] Sabbath, you will not see the Father."

33. Jesus says: "I stood in the midst of teh world, and in the flesh I manifested myself to them. I found them all drunk; I found none athirst among them. And my soul was afflicted for the children of men. Because they are blind in their heart and do not see, because they have come into the world empty, [that is why] they seek still to go out from the world empty. But let someone come who will correct them! Then, when they have slept off their wine, they will repent."

34. Jesus says: "If the flesh was produced for the sake of the spirit, it is a miracle. But if the spirit [was produced] for the sake of the body, it is a miracle of a miracle." But for myself (?), I marvel at that because the [... of] this (?) great wealth has dwelt in this poverty.

35. Jesus says: " There where there are three gods, they are gods. Where there are two, or [else] one, I am with him!"

notes : darkness and light refer to unenlightened and the enlightened; being one or solitary refers to a loss of gender or becoming of both genders to be hermaphroditic like the supreme godhead and therefore becoming as the original state; poverty and wealth are actually euphemisms for classes such as gentiles, but I don't rightly recall the designations.

author's notes : ...The solution would appear to lie in the fact that the duality is in fact an aspect of the unity; for the state of "being two" is a synthesis of opposites -- male and female, upper and lower, etc. The sense therefore would appear as follows: "In that state where every pair of opposites is united in perfect unity..."

Gospel of Thomas, 11-25

2008-10-23T19:01:00.000-07:00

11. Jesus says : "This heaven will pass away, and the heaven which is above it will pass: but those who are dead will not live, and those who live will not die!"

12. "Today you eat dead things and make them into something living: [but] when you will be in Light, what will you do then? For then you will become two instead of one; and when you become two what will you do then?"

13. The disciples say to Jesus : "We know that Thou wilt leave us: who will [then] be the great over us?" Jesus says to them : "Wherever you go, you will turn to James the Just for whose sake heaven as well as earth was produced."

14. Jesus says to his disciples : "Compare me, and tell me whom I am like." Simon Peter says to him : "Thou art like a just angel!" Matthew says to him : "Thou art like a wise man and a philosopher!" Thomas says to him : "Master, my tongue cannot find words to say whom thou art like." Jesus says : "I am no longer they master; for thou hast drunk, thou art inebriated from the bubbling spring which is mine and which I sent forth." Then he took him aside; he said three words to him. And when Thomas came back to his companions, they asked him : "What did Jesus say to thee?" And Thomas answered them : "If I tell you [a single] one of the words he said to me, you will take up stones and throw them at me, and fire will come out of the stones and consume you!"

15. Jesus says to them: "When you fast, you will beget sin for yourselves; when you pray, you will be condemned; when you give alms, you will do evil to your souls! [but] when you enter any land and travel over the country, when you are welcomed eat what is put before you; those who are ill in those places, heal them. For what enters into your mouth will not defile you, but what comes out of your mouth, it is that which will defile you!"

16. Jesus says : "When you see Him who has not been born of woman, bow down face to the earth and adore Him: He is your father!"

17. Jesus says : "Men indeed think I have come to bring peace to the world. But they do not know that I have come to bring to the world discord, fire, sword, war. Indeed, if there are five [people] in a house, they will become three against two and two against three -- father against son and son against father -- and they will be lifted up, being solitaries."

18. Jesus says : "I will give you what eye has never seen, and what ear has never heard, and what hand has never touched, and what has never entered into the heart of man."

19. The disciples say to Jesus : "Tell us what our end will be." Jesus says : "Have you then deciphered the beginning, that you ask about the end? For where the beginning is, there shall be the end. Blessed is the man who reaches the beginning; he will know the end, and will not taste death!"

20. Jesus says : "Blessed is the man who existed before he came into being!"

21. "If you become my disciples and if you hear my words, these stones will serve you."

22. "For you have there, in Paradise, five trees which change not winter nor summer, whose leaves do not fall: whoever knows them will not taste death!"

23. The disciples say to Jesus : "Tell us what the Kingdom of heaven is like!" He says to them: "It is like a grain of mustard: it is smaller than all the [other] seeds, but when it falls on ploughed land it produces a big stalk and becomes a shelter for the birds of heaven."

24. Mary says to Jesus : "Who are your disciples like?" He says to her : "They are like little children who have made their way into a field that does not belong to them. When the owners of the field come, they will say : 'Get out of our field!' They [then] will give up the field to these [people] and let them have their field back again."

25. "That is why I tell you this: If the master of the house knows that the thief is coming, he will watch before he comes and will not allow him to force an entry into his royal house to carry off its furniture. You, then, be on the watch against the world. Gird your loins with great energy, so that the brigands do not find any way of reaching you; for they will find any place you fail to watch."

NOTES: there was a lengthy explanation of the terms solitary and the reference to being two; I'll have to address it in the next installment

Gospel of Thomas, 1-10

2008-10-04T11:06:00.000-07:00

The Coptic version of The Gospel of Thomas as it corresponds to the Oxyrhynchus Papyrus 654

Here are the secret words which Jesus the Living spoke, and which Didymus [twin] Jude Thomas wrote down.
And he said: “Whoever penetrates the meaning of these words will not taste death!”

1. Jesus says: “Let him who seeks cease not to seek until he finds: when he finds he will be astonished; and when he is astonished he will wonder, and will reign over the universe!”

2. Jesus says: “If those who seek to attract you say to you: ‘See, the Kingdom is in heaven!’ then the birds of heaven will be there before you. If they say to you: ‘It is in the sea!’ then the fish will be there before you. But the kingdom is within you and it is outside of you!”

3. “When you know yourselves, then you will be known, and you will know that it is you who are the sons of the living Father. But if you do not know yourselves, then you will be in a state of poverty, and it is you the poverty!”

4. Jesus says : “Let the old man heavy with days hesitate not to ask the little child of seven days about the Place of Life, and he will live! For it will be seen that many of the first will be the last, and they will become a ”

5. Jesus says : “Know what is before your face, and what is hidden from you will be revealed to you. For nothing hidden will fail to be revealed!”

6. His disciples asked and said to him: “Do you want us to fast? How shall we pray, how shall we give alms, what rules concerning eating shall we follow?” Jesus says : “Tell no lie, and whatever you hate, do not do: for all these things are manifest to the face of heaven; nothing hidden will fail to be revealed, and nothing disguised will fail before long to be made public!”

7. Jesus says : “Blessed is the lion which a man eats so that the lion becomes a man. But cursed is the man whom a lion eats so that the man becomes a lion!”

8. Then he says: “A man is like a skilled fisherman who casts his net into the sea. He brought it up out of the sea full of little fishes, and among them the skilled fisherman found one that was big and excellent. He threw all the little fishes back into the sea; without hesitating he chose the big fish. He who has ears to hear, let him hear!”

9. Jesus says : “See, the sower went out. He filled his hand and scattered . Some fell on the path : birds came and gathered them. Others fell on rocky ground: they found no means of taking root in the soil and did not send up ears of corn. Others fell among thorns; stifled the grain, and the worm at the . Others fell on good soil, and this produced an excellent crop: it gave as much as sixty- fold, and a hundred and twenty-fold!”

10. Jesus says : “I have cast a fire onto the world, and see, I watch over it until it blazes up!”

Sophia and the Demiurge, Part II

2008-10-03T21:38:00.000-07:00

I was hoping to generate some questions to know where to angle my future postings, but I suppose I will just continue with my generalities... A warning: this is going to be a mish-mash of different sources, since I'm not feeling the need for precision and citation.

The Gnostic beliefs tend to be what is considered a more conservative Christianity. The books and views it shares with Romanized Christianity is the Gospel of John and their intended separation from the passions of the physical world. However, the difference in concept is that the Gnostics believed much in the sense of Stoics and Eastern philosophy in the detachment from the physical world in order to lead an enlightened life, not necessarily that all pleasures must be abstained from because they are pleasurable and thereby evil.

Since the world was created by the proclaimed adversary to the true Godhead, everything of the world and this realm is seen as being separated from the Godhead, and thereby evil. In affect, humankind is inherently of the light, and imprisoned here in these bodies, subject to the Demiurge to defile, or to detach from worldly existence to once again transcend into the light. Where conservative Christianity believes in chastity and sanctity of marriage for the sake of averting promiscuity and promoting sinlessness, Gnostic faith would indicate that marriage is evil because it inherently produces children, and subjects more souls to the scrutiny of the Demiurge, being trapped in the darkness of physical existence; additionally, that the pleasure of union is a delight of the physical realm and can become a distraction.

However proscribed these perspectives may sound, the structure of the churches and actual practices were much less cumbersome and condemning than the Catholic Church. There were three levels of belief : the Listeners, the Believers, and the Perfect. Anyone and everyone could be a Listener, could come to services and hear the sermons, no obligations were placed on you, save your sole responsibility for yourself; Believers led a chaste life insomuch as honoring marriage vows and being an upright citizen; the Perfect were those who withdrew from such common existence as proprietor or spouse - those things which required a dependence on the physical world - and gave sermons and traveled. More often than not, the common person would live their life as a Believer and upon their deathbed be given the rights to be made Perfect. There were no other specific proscriptions.

Random tidbit :

All Protestant Churches acknowledge the Catholic Church as sovereign; the Affirmation of Faith and the Apostles Creed both decisively give the procession of the "Key" from the hand of Jesus to Peter to the first Bishop and then Pope. Most historians actually consider Peter and Paul's diversions to be the first heresy, and Jesus's brother James was the true receiver of the "Key" and the first Bishop of the Christian Church.

The only prevalent Christian Church that does not believe in the procession of the "Key" to Catholicism is the Mormon Church (founded by Masons... linked to the Templars... who fraternized with Gnostics and other "heresies")

A further tangent on the Apostles Creed : the creed itself was originally the Nicene Creed, the Apostolic right was given to it by Constantius who proclaimed himself descendant of the Apostles, and, as some believe, used it to establish a validity to the Roman church since at the time it was rather unpopular, most favoring either the "Heresies" or the other Orthodoxies (Eastern and Coptic).

Sophia and the Demiurge, Part I

2008-09-29T18:48:00.000-07:00

I realize that for the family pool of theological and philosophical discussion, I suppose I should bring to light the content of one or two books that take quite a bit of effort to read that I will not burden you with. But, here I hope to give an overview of the contents in the next few postings to give an idea and further background into the topic of Gnosticism, Coptic literature, and their related mythologies and philosophies. The particular source I'll reference first is The Secret Books of the Egyptian Gnostics written by a french historian/scholar in the earlier half of the 20th century, who published his work in the 50's to describe, in no concise manner (not to mention having been translated from french into 1950's british english), the histories of the sects behind the literature and pulling apart the technical aspects of what is referred to as the Nag Hammadi Library. The unfortunate part of the publication is that only one complete chapter of the library was translated in the book in addition to being dissected, and that is the Gospel of Thomas.

This first blog gives an over-simplified generalization of the mythologies described, which existed to different extents within different sects of Hebrew and Christian faiths as well as the obscured Hellenist- and Stoic-influenced sects which include the cult at Qumran responsible for the Dead Sea Scrolls.

The first basic premise is that there is a conscious light and a conscious dark and an ether that divides them. The dark is conscious of the light and becomes jealous of it, it tries to surge up into the light but every step it takes causes the light to go away (it's not explained that the darkness overcomes the light, but describes it as the light does not shine through the darkness but it's might is not diminished by it). The dark then becomes frustrated that it cannot be illuminated, cannot become like the light or touch it.

The next premise personifies the light, the dark, and the ether. There are different versions of the mythology depending upon the sect, but this is a generalization:

The light is known as the supreme Godhead, and as yet the darkness does not exist. An important aspect of the godhead is that it is hermaphroditic. Ether is known as Sophia, and this element is in all forms female. It gets a bit variant, because, though the Godhead is a hermaphrodite, it seems to have a heavy lean on the masculine side. The Godhead creates at will and all the creations are "of light". The Sophia decides she shall create by herself, without the "input" (yes, take it as a euphemism) of the Godhead. This creates the darkness, Elohim (as well as other names, depending on the sect), and he is ignorant of the Godhead. Elohim creates the physical world, traps the souls of angels into physical bodies, and proclaims himself god of all things. At his proclamation, Sophia bellows out to him, making him aware of his folly. In one version he simply is scrutinizing his creation and whilst ascending great heights discovers the light of perfection of the Godhead.

This all boils down to several sects of beliefs that revolve around the creator of the world itself in the physical realm as being an unenlightened act by what modern day would call the devil. In this light, the followers would then dismiss some of the Old Testament on the belief that the 'God' who was being referred to was darkness and not the Godhead.

random gnostic reference from wiki : Manichean

Muck and Drudgery to Fuzzy Cuddles

2008-09-24T20:23:00.000-07:00

well, the last couple of weeks have been wrought with stress, in some cases in expected ways, in others not so anticipated. it didn't help that everyone i had to deal with was experiencing a similar rut lasting well over a week, and slowly, oh, so slowly picking up over the last 9 days. ::Long friggin' Sigh ::

haven't gotten the test results back yet... in this part of the world, it's far enough out of any sort of main stream that stuff has to be sent out of town (into city) to get processed... so i might be looking at as long as 4 weeks -- half way done today.

disgruntlement subsiding, things are generally leveling off into a normal work drudgery and long late evenings with my favorite fuzzy little troublemaker... who's currently content in playing with my pj draw-strings... and can do so for hours. since putting trouble 2 down, we've been letting Mr. Trouble himself sleep in the bed and he makes a point to get as much half-conscious attention as possible, then usually sets up his perch on top of me... no matter how, he manages to.

currently really looking forward to coming out west... i actually can't wait... please give me western highways... at least your speed limits aren't maxed out at 55 mph... and all the roads 2-lane with absolutely no legal passing zones... and lots of old people... and hicks who will jump out of their car and try to teach you a lesson about "proper" driving... heh...

thinking of jaunting up to vegas for a couple hours for real greek food and picking up my photo albums... haven't worked out the details yet, but since we'll be up that way...

Disgruntlement

2008-09-17T22:45:00.000-07:00

i've settled into a disgruntlement of late... it appears my ambitions and personal freedom are limited by the inhibitions of another who refuses to take the benefits that go with minor sacrifices...
sooooo... looks like i get to all but completely alter my course and head in a determined direction once again. but now i'm rather content to just let things come and go of their own volition and float until the universe tells me to start jumping...
blah

DONE!!!

2008-09-12T09:57:00.001-07:00

so, i can party hardy now... everything that i could possibly be responsible for in order to get into the military is now complete.... now it's just waiting on everyone else
so it could be up to 3 more months, but that gives me some travel time

lots of love
jer

suspension

2008-09-09T20:16:00.000-07:00

one more arduous day to go... then what's left suspended can all fall out...
of course it'll take a week to do so, but then i know if my future career will be made or broken
the moment of truth... and then the suspense will be over
so, party on thursday... then possibly a follow-up party next week

trouble gone : death or dialasis

2008-09-08T19:04:00.000-07:00

Jeremy had to put one of the cats down due to blockage and inflamed kidneys; likely having to do with kidney stones. If not, then the poor troublemaker would've been on dialasis and medication the rest of his life...
His brother misses him terribly, and is very confused, but persevering.
I have pics on the bottom of all my blog page for your enjoyment

Michaux - Misho - Mushy

2008-09-07T12:12:00.000-07:00

well, whilst Gustov pummeled the eastern seaboard, we decided to take a backpacking expedition along the Appalachian Trail where it passes through Michaux State Forest in southern PA, just outside of Gettysburg. Albeit a comparatively short hike, i'm quite impressed with myself for enduring 6 or 7 miles of hiking in ceaseless rain, sleeping the night at one of the Appalachian Trails many shelters along the route, and hiking 7 miles back out (for, yes, my endurance sucks). The rain allowed us a relative aloneness until we reached the shelter; a nice break from the slow but busy psuedo-urbia of two lane highways with no passing zones and low speed limits full of naught but old people and cumbersome drivers. Having prepared our upper halves well for the rain, we were a bit unprepared for how much cotton cargo pants soak up water, and subsequently our otherwise water-proof hiking boots, which held all the water in quite nicely.

The stars beat out the rain some time around sunset, and there was no dry wood for a fire, but we did get our own shelter, and it was one of the most uncomfortable nights of sleep i've ever had; the pants and socks were still damp when we got dressed again, despite having been hung up overnight and even dangled over the gas stove, but were nicely dry after 2 hours of sunfilled hicking -- so a dry ride home we had, at the very least.

We didn't take the cameras with us... it's just green, green, and more green... like some fairy puked on everything. But the leaves, I hear, are set to be changing soon, so we'll have another trip up north-ish and will likely be taking lots of pictures.

traversing practicality

2008-08-07T21:03:00.000-07:00

received news tonight regarding my employment future with the company i'm currently with as an outside contractor of sorts... i may be let go 2-3 weeks before my contract is up... or i may be added on with as much as a $200/week increase in pay...
yeah... take a wild guess what i'm hoping for.

in anticipation of this situation, i had already started looking for alternate employment: there are no other desks hiring here, there are a number in phoenix and elsewhere... and i'm looking into the military again, for now dabbling with the national guard for the part-time opportunity...

we'll see how it goes

French Toast... becomes the Universe

2008-07-30T21:43:00.000-07:00

French Toast and Existentialism

I have not written much of late; most of my thoughts have not been of the nature of writing : no drama to relieve and only those epiphanies that are too esoteric to easily relay.

My thoughts are not so much on God but the development of religious perspective thereof : traditions, philosophical basis for theology, and the result of its inherent clash with the cultures it converts...

"... the morals we mush know will be shapen and mistaken by our falls along the way"

but in conversation... my thoughts seem to work their way in... perhaps the books I'm reading are a bit too involved...

(7:32 PM) H: and french toast is something that is hard to turn away
i have come down to the decision that i am tired of the desire's of being human, mainly the ridiculousness of human "nature" the whole breeding as a form of status and screw the idea that in order to be "someone" you have to have a someone of the opposite sex to define what or who you are

i am so tired of the human existence as to merely uninformed cattle
humanity is damned
... had to get that off my chest.... i was driving and that thought had crossed my mind

(8:14 PM) Jer: yay! anti-existentialism!!!!
you are in good company
you need to study the gnostics

(8:15 PM) H: they have the same theory?

(8:16 PM) Jer: dreams are the true reality and life is the simulacrum
they believe all of the physical world is a displacement of true reality, where souls are trapped and can only be freed from detaching oneself from physical drives and dependencies

which is essentially what original christianity was about, that and the fact that anyone and everyone could attain this salvation - which was an odd thought in the day
so, it's like budhism with an apocalyptic emphasis

(8:18 PM) H: that sounds comforting

(8:19 PM) Jer: in a way
mostly they just come to the same conclusions that the asians did long before... and then made up a lot of goble-d-gook to explain it and then Paul got the wrong idea (the first heretic) and founded the church on his own principles

in grasping the universe

1. the Tao that can be told of is not the absolute Tao;
the names that can be given (definitions) are not the absolute names
the nameless (god) is the origin of heaven and earth
the named (definable) is the mother of all things

2. the tao that can be told is not the eternal tao
the name that can be named is not the eternal name
the unnamable is the eternally real
naming is the origin of all particular things

3. as for the way, the way that can be spoken of is not the constant way;
as for names, the name that can be named is not the constant name.
the nameless is the beginning of the ten thousand things
the named is the mother of the ten thousand things

4. the way that can be "way-ed" is not the constant way
the name that can be named is not the constant name
what has no name is the beginning of heaven and earth
what has a name is the mother of myriad things.

essentially:

anything that can be defined cannot be eternal/infinite because by being given definition it inherently has limits

anything that can be said is limited by the perception of the speaker and the ambiguity of the words used to describe it

that which cannot be named (because it is eternal, infinite, and boundless) is that which is responsible for creating everything in an endless array which perpetually keeps on producing (the nature of all naturally occurring systems)

establishing definitions to reality gave birth to the limitations by which human kind may understand the world around them

when not seeking, everything is apparent

when seeking, one only sees established definitions, or redefine concepts based on established definitions

both the infinite and the defined are of the same source and it is something that cannot be perceived by the human mind (darkness)

but traversing through the darkness (gaining perception) one can come to see beyond it

(10:07 PM) H: wasn't that what i was trying to get him to see

(10:07 PM) Jer: essentially

(10:07 PM) H: he was stuck

(10:07 PM) Jer: it's Taoist
they figured that out long before greeks became philosophers
and it makes more sense than any western philosophy ever will

(10:07 PM) H: yeah
western philosophy gets stuck on things and focus only on one aspect and do not move on too fast

(10:08 PM) Jer: get some paella ere i go
they defined their focus and by doing so have always ended up in some sort of logical paradox

ever hear Jesus say this?

2008-07-30T21:25:00.000-07:00

(9:03 PM) Jer: mwhahahahahaha
i am in possession of the ID10T awards
if you need one awarded, lemme know

(9:04 PM) H: no i am good
i know that i am being dumb but i am going to rise above

(9:05 PM) Jer: no, no not to you, to someone who deserves one

(9:05 PM) H: oh
hmmm i could post on on brandons desk

(9:06 PM) Jer: this gospel of thomas is interesting

(9:06 PM) H: what is that?

(9:07 PM) Jer: "He who does not hate his father and mother cannot be my disciple; and if he does not hate his brother and sister and does not take up his cross like me, he will not become worthy of me"

(9:10 PM) Jer: "When you know yourselves then you will be known, and you will know that it is you who are the sons of the living Father. But if you do not know yourselves, then you will be in a state of poverty, and it is you who will be the poverty!"

(9:11 PM) H: i like these

(9:12 PM) Jer: "today you eat dead things and make them into something living; but when you will be in Light, what will you do then?"

(9:15 PM) Jer: the disciples ask: "Do you want us to fast? How shall we pray, how shall we give alms, what rules concerning eating shall we follow?"

"When you fast, you will beget sin for yourselves; when you pray, you will be condemned; when you give alms, you will do evil to your souls! But when you enter any land and travel over the country, when you are welcomed to eat what is put before you; those who are ill in those places, heal them. For what enters into your mouth will not defile you, but what comes out of your mouth, it is that which will defile you!"

(9:17 PM) H: nice

(9:17 PM) Jer: mwahahahaha
it's like a mix of transcendentalism and budhism

(9:18 PM) H: its nice

(9:18 PM) Jer: "if a blind man leads another blind man, both of them fall into a ditch"

(9:20 PM) H: lol

(9:20 PM) Jer: disciples ask: "On what day wilt thou appear to us, and what day shall we see thee?"

"When you strip yourselves without being ashamed, when you take off your clothes and lay them at your feet like children and trample on them! Then you will become children of him who is living, and you will have no more fear"

(9:20 PM) H: all this stuff is so great beucase it is true

(9:21 PM) Jer: mwahahahaha
like Zen
i'm gonna make copies to send to my dad... i'll make some for you too

(9:21 PM) H: schweet!

(9:23 PM) Jer: "He who has known the world has fallen into a corpse/ a body; and he who has fallen into a corpse/ a body, the world is not worthy of him!

(9:23 PM) H: i feel like sparking john and being like....is that tool satchel rittle helping you out.....man he is such a dink

(9:24 PM) Jer: hahaha
he'll have to get back with you on that...

(9:24 PM) H: lol
i think on my last day i am going to ream him out

(9:25 PM) Jer: it will be a good thing

(9:25 PM) H: i can't wait it is all going to build up and then boom
i am going to plan it now

(9:27 PM) Jer: hehehe
this is an interesting allusion... the holy spirit is regarded as the sophia, that inherent nature which causes us to act when we are enlightened or "aligned":

"He who has blasphemed the Father will be forgiven, and he who has blasphemed the son will be forgiven : but he who has blasphemed the Holy Spirit will not be forgiven either on earth or in heaven."

(9:29 PM) Jer: evidently she holds grudges

(9:31 PM) H: nice
how would someone go about to blaspheme the holy spirit
like taking her power and not using it correctly?

(9:32 PM) Jer: erm... not listening to your gut instincts and acting contrary to your natural inclination

(9:33 PM) H: like intuition

(9:33 PM) Jer: yup
the ultimate gnosis
the tao
the mother or all things
who is ironically enough even in gnostic tradition the mother of all physical (nameable) things

(9:34 PM) H: i could understand that so far my intuition has never led me astray

(9:34 PM) Jer: yup
which is pretty much what all the rantings on my myspace page says.

(9:35 PM) H: so she is like this spirit that has seen many things happen before so she warns us with instinct

(9:36 PM) Jer: and what the cloud of unknowing says... which was written in the 13th C and considered a heresy at the time
she is the ultimate causality
and the knowledge to move from this physical existence

(9:38 PM) H: i could see why she holds a grudge because through out her existence she is always the victim to someone or something being negligent to her

(9:43 PM) Jer: well in a figurative sense... if you cannot detach yourself from the physical or wanton desires enough to be able to act entirely out of that inclination/inspiration... you cannot hope to excel at any point beyond the physical world

(9:46 PM) H: that sounds about right
physical desires are too troubling to keep up with, they make you feel out of place and out of yourself

(9:49 PM) Jer: Socrates would point out that the body is not your true self
it is this odd little vessel
to the gnosistcs, a prison confining your true essence

(9:50 PM) H: damn the body and its impulses

(9:50 PM) Jer: hehee
it seeks to survive
life feeds on life to create more of it's own kind of life

(9:51 PM) H: that is where physical attraction and spiritual attraction comes into play

(9:52 PM) Jer: yup

(9:52 PM) H: for the spiritual you need to ignore all of the bodies sense's and be patient

(9:52 PM) Jer: yup

(9:53 PM) H: physical is just mind numbingly easy, just look and there it is, anywhere you can imagine
damn the body
thats why it is hard to be a scorpio
frick'n body
trying to ignore the body for years but sometimes it tries to get the best of me
lucky for the life i led growing up or it would have made me cave by now

(9:56 PM) Jer: it is dangerous to say such things
the universe will make as truth everything that you assert
you're young still, don't be too hard on yourself

(9:58 PM) H: its frustrating i guess sometimes

(9:58 PM) Jer: "I stood in the midst of the world, and in the flesh I manifested myself to them. I found them all drunk; I found none athirst among them. And my soul was afflicted for the children of men. Because they are blind in their heart and do not see, because they have come into the world empty, they seek still to go out of the world empty."

(10:01 PM) H: so just listen to the heart and learn as much as i can to become more knowledgeable with the heart so when the time comes i will be fully satisfied because i have went through what i had and it led me to what i can be

(10:01 PM) Jer: "When one finds himself solitary, he will be full of light; but when he finds himself divided, he will be full of darkness."

(10:02 PM) Jer: "He who knows the All, but has failed to know himself has failed to completely know..."

(10:02 PM) Jer: the heart at that time was synonymous with the organ of thought

(10:02 PM) H: that calms down the fire

(10:03 PM) Jer: so zen, oh so zen

(10:03 PM) H: yay!

(10:04 PM) H: being disgusted with life can make things so difficult

(10:04 PM) Jer: "Now, when you see your appearance, you rejoice. But when you see your images which came into being before you, which do not die and do not show themselves, how will you be able to bear such greatness?"

(10:05 PM) Jer: "The body which depends on a body is unfortunate, and the soul which depends on a these two is unfortunate"

(10:06 PM) H: this stuff is soooooooooo nice

(10:07 PM) Jer: woot

(10:09 PM) Jer: from the author/translator: "No doubt the lion here represents human passions, or more precisely, the lying spirit of evil" which he covers earlier as being the deluge.... the whole interesting bit about CS Lewis's Jesus figure

(10:09 PM) H: it was soo strange because of school and the drama of life, i had forgot the one voice that is clear to me over my life.
listening to this stuff from the gospel of thomas has made me hear that again
truth through wisdom

(10:11 PM) Jer: yeah... crowley and dyer espouse similar notions
using different terms to iterate the same sort of concepts

(10:12 PM) Jer: there's a lot here that denotes detachment and withdrawal from physical demands and existence in order to reconcile with your "source" to which you return... in so many words as what Wayne Dyer uses

(10:13 PM) H: when i hear this voice i see a silhouette
is that similar

(10:13 PM) Jer: Crowley's a bit more of a poet : lies are lies because to engender an idea in words makes it dependent upon those ambiguous definitions and limitations of words, so anything that is TRUE fails to be so when uttered

(10:14 PM) Jer: again, we're back to notions of the tao
does silly putty dry out?

(10:14 PM) H: don't think it does
so the idea of words is so limited to explain them using words defiles the feeling of what they truly are and inhibits the true ness of that feeling

(10:16 PM) Jer: goes back to "truth carries the ambiguity of the words used to describe it" and that bit about definitions
as words are symbols of an idealized definition

(10:17 PM) H: understandable

(10:17 PM) Jer: who's bounds become pushed depending upon context

(10:17 PM) H: can't always relate to someone the same way with words then if you would with feelings

(10:18 PM) Jer: true
there's an entire episode of Æon Flux which had a futuristic form of humanity which communicated solely with mental imagery
leaving behind the misunderstandings of spoken words

(10:19 PM) H: but not being able to explain them in words is where they cease to be useful

(10:19 PM) Jer: i should say, mental imagery and empathic impluse

(10:19 PM) H: so in a way art would be a part of this feeling
but not everyone will feel the same but will feel something

(10:20 PM) Jer: where understanding is obtained without the need for an explanation

(10:20 PM) H: but with art there is no need for explanation because it is purely what you feel

(10:20 PM) Jer: 99% of the time arguments are simply semantic arguments in disguise
people think they disagree on a concept but really only disagree on how they choose to define it

(10:21 PM) H: that makes perfect sense

(10:22 PM) Jer: like you or i may be able to easily see the parallels of world religions and even correlations between rival factions, but their conceptions are so precise amongst themselves that they are unable to see past their own definitions

(10:22 PM) H: hmm

(10:22 PM) Jer: instead of obtaining the objectivity necessary to grasp truth
.... which is oddly what people like Jesus were trying to point out

(10:24 PM) H: they were trying to put what they were feeling into words but in order to do that they have to filter what they are feeling into what could be understood

(10:24 PM) Jer: Jesus' stint against the Pharisees is precisely that - that they hide themselves behind their dogma and hide people from their false truth to make it seem as though they;ve attained something

(10:24 PM) H: and that is where you had believers and those who defied

(10:24 PM) Jer: yup
and then you have the the distinction between what is meant by words and how they are interpreted by those hearing or reading them

(10:25 PM) H: the ignorant vs the intelligent

(10:25 PM) Jer: again, the ambiguity of words
or ignorant and enlightened
which the bible traditionally calls darkness and light